Charmed I'm Sure

[New Year, New You] A Note/ Scenes From a Pagan Household

2012-01-31T22:08:00.000-05:00

Stop being a pain. YOU STOP BEING A PAIN!

Me: Well?

Jow: The first part is really beautiful but the second part seems sort of like Something You've Been Putting Off.

Me (exasperatedly): It's a focus week! Everyone's still putting something off! I still haven't been to the gym yet during this! The point is to do the specific work that's required for the goals this week. Not work on other things to help make it stick this week, just do the damn thing.

Jow: Well, presumably everyone is doing that.

Me: I'm not even doing everything I'm supposed to be doing for my goals. Yeah, I could give you some kind of bullshit task this week or you could chose to actually do the work you're supposed to do for your goals this week at this time like I said.

Jow: Touche. You should post about that.

Me: Besides, you don't even understand. The people who have been doing the Experiment the whole time? We're all, like, on the same wavelength and are thinking about doing the same things at the same time which is why these prompts have been working so well. Sooooo, they'll get it, we're all pinging each other from the wilds of internet ether.

Jow: You're right. I'm totes not doing enough of this to be that in touch with all y'all's processes the way you are with each other right now. And . . .that's probably for the best.

[New Year, New You] Weekly Writing Prompt: Shoulder to the Wheel

2012-01-31T14:00:00.001-05:00

Me: I'm tired.

My Muse (gently): I know.

Me: Sometimes this gets really hard and I feel really lost and like I'm a hamster on a wheel, running, running, running. I surrendered myself to this Experiment, to you. But sometimes I don't know what that means and it scares me. I can't even do divination for anything right now, it's all spinning so fast. Am I my best? Will this mean something? Will all these 6a mornings and late nights and tiredness count? Will I get ahead and finally not be in debt? Will I screw that up like I always do? Will I gain the weight I lost back? Will I fuck everything up for myself like I always do? Will Jow leave me if I get successful like others have? Will I get my social life back? Am I going in the right direction? Will my book be good? Will my course be good? Will my crafts be good? Will I be good?

My Muse: This is where it's important, where it's hard and you can't see in front of you and the forest is dark. This is where you have to believe, which you've never been good at. This is where you can't give up. This is where you have to keep trying, even when you're not even sure what that means, even if it feels like sometimes no one else really understands all the Work you're doing. It's important. You're changing your insides, one piece of a star at a time. You can do this. You need to do this. This is where you start to become who you want to be. I believe in you or I never would have chosen you. Keep pushing, tiny one. Keep pushing. In the meantime, you should smoke a bowl asap, you've earned it.

So we've been doing all these awesome things to help our goals and make sure that we're looking at these goals from all sides which is great holistic work to keep us moving forward and to make sure that nothing is overlooked. But this week it's important to work on specific things to further your goals. What's the hardest thing for you to do? What do you keep putting off? Do it now. Grit your teeth and push, baby. You're making something beautiful, don't stop now. Show the universe what kind of wonders you're capable of this week.

[Recipe Monday] Pineapple-Strawberry-Banana Smoothie

2012-01-30T18:55:00.001-05:00

Like this, only fatter.

So, long story short I have a sinus infection. I've been sick on and off since Christmas with a constant back and forth between me, Jow and various children related and not as I'm a first year nanny. I'm told by more experienced childcare professionals that my immune system will be strong as hell by next year but right now it's awful. I'm now on a z-pack and today is a dozy as it's a double dose.

Jow and I had a nice lunch though at McCormick and Shmick's with yummy smoked duck pizza and bowls of smoky rich New England clam chowder. Part of how I'm being less fat now (because I've lost seven pounds so far) is that when we have a rich lunch (and better then, more time to digest), we have a smoothie for dinner because we're not that hungry and we're tired and lame. Tonight's smoothie!

Pineapple Strawberry Banana Smoothie
Makes 2
1 banana, broken into thirds
1 bag of frozen pineapple
1 cup fresh strawberries, hulled
1 cup orange juice
1 teaspoon flax seeds

Put it all into the blender and put it on high until smooth. Done.

Glamour in the New World Order: We Are Who We Pretend to Be so We Must Be Careful Who We Pretend to Be

2012-01-27T18:59:00.000-05:00

"We must dress well, or the future
will not take us seriously." - CMV

Glamour can be a tricksy thing, I find. On one hand, Jason is correct. If you're interviewing for jobs in corporate America, you should be wearing a suit. You all know how I feel about what to wear at a funeral.

But we diverge somewhat. Because I do believe what you wear is part of who you are. If you don't like that thought process, you're not going to like the rest of this entry either. It's cool, we don't need to be in perfect Stepford agreement here.

More than that, it's part of your magic. I've worn suits for work, trying to dress like my boss to get promoted. It didn't work, I just felt like I was in drag all the time. When I stopped giving a shit about impressing people at my work place and just wanted to do my job correctly and not get fired and frankly stopped caring past getting a paycheck, that's when the tide turned for me. If conventional wisdom worked all the time, we'd all be CEOs of green Pagan multimillion dollar corporations, n'est-ce pas?

But yeah, when I played Nine Inch Nails in my cube and walked with purpose down the hall in heeled combat boots with sparkly laces, that's when I got promoted. I would have kept getting promoted if I stayed but it was crushing me, living in a cube.

2012 is a year of starstorms. I, like Gordon, invite you to think past just dressing like your boss. You need to dress like you. Your best you. I invite you to start your own personal revolution. That's what this Experiment is supposed to be about, right? Stop coloring in the lines and worrying about being a good worker bee and start getting concerned about burning down the establishment your damn self and making shit happen for yourself.

You know what I'm supposed to be doing? I was supposed to get another Executive Assistant job when my last company died and keep my shoulder to the wheel and keep doing what I was doing.

If you always do what you've always done, You. Always. Get. What. You've. Always. Gotten. That's not what this Experiment is about. It's about busting shit up and getting shit done. I diverged off the path I was supposed to be on and I'm happier for it. I make as much money as I was making as an Exec Assistant as a nanny. A nanny. Where I sing songs and have two to three hours of nap times a day and no direct supervision at all. And when they don't nap anymore? That's when I get a new fucking family. That's how this works, every four years or so, I reset the clock and get new infants. I've managed to turn a profit at almost every show I did for my first year out as a crafter.

I'm published all over the place in all kinds of things because I was preparing myself for the way publishing used to work. It's great exposure and a little bit of money, but that's not what I'm doing when I write my first short book. Who do I want to be? Do I want to be like every indie artist trying to get a record deal for them to possibly just fire my ass when they don't like my numbers or the way I dress or that I cuss too much or do I want to be fucking Ani Difranco?

Ani Difranco, kids.

What does this have to do with glamour? Well, while you're burning down your old ideas of how the world was supposed to work and drinking St. Germain in your pajamas at home in this new world order, you need to get to thinking about how you want to present the apres global meltdown you to yourself and others. Glamour is magic. A part of it is the magic of trappings, something that some Pagans and Geeks disdain in equal measures. But not all Pagans and not all Geeks. After all, SalonCon never would have happened if there weren't Geeks who dreamed of tea and corsets like I do.

There's a kind of Geek/Pagan privilege that is rooted though not exclusively, predominantly in straight white middle class guys who think they shouldn't have to care about how they present themselves to the world, the gift of being their special snowflake selves should be enough for the world and if they never want to "get dressed up" for a girlfriend/a job/a wedding, they shouldn't have to.

I think you should want more for yourselves than that though because you're missing out. SalonCon never required people to dress in suits and corsets with poofy skirts (though there were people who did), it was always about wearing what made you feel awesome and turned people's heads.

I've helped some of my more fashionably challenged friends to dress and groom themselves to be the best them that they could be. I asked what they didn't like and why they didn't like it, what kind of budget they had and encouraged them to test their boundaries a little and helped them pick clothes that's not just appropriate to age/venue/etc but also appropriate to their own sense of style. The transformation was always inevitably, well, like magic.

Use that knowledge. Know yourself well enough to figure out your own sense of style while still being age and venue appropriate. You won't get it right the first time and that's okay. I didn't. When I ran SalonCon I had this weird quasi-split personality where I'd have several people at once doing my hair, make up, nails and lacing me into corsets and difficult shoes so I presented myself as someone leading a convention about aesthetic should be presenting herself. The rest of my life? Hair in pony tail, yoga pants, t shirt and Uggs. Did I feel my best in my day to day life? No. I did not. I had such whiplash going from one extreme to another with the added stress of no longer being able to dress like a teenager/early twentysomething I didn't know what the fuck to do with myself.

I knew what looked good when I was 20, it was harder for me to figure out what looked good (and appropriate) once I got past the age of 25. When my mom or my boss wanted to give input on what I should wear, it always felt kind of like wearing drag. All that time being too disspirited to try to figure out didn't just affect my self esteem, it affected my magic because I felt out of step with myself. I worked hard to figure out what looked good, was reasonably age appropriate and still felt like me. That's part of the trick too, figuring out what the "rules" are for you and your life and then figuring out just how far you can bend them before they break. It will be a work in progress as you age and your various life circumstances change but it's worth investing not just the time and money but the energy into. The more energy you put into it, the more you'll be able to draw on your own personal glamoury in your magic. Figure out what looks good on you and feels like you. Figure out what makes you feel powerful about your appearance and use it, godsdamn it. It's just one more facet to your magical self.

[New Year, New You] Glamour in the Year of the Hustle

2012-01-26T16:19:00.001-05:00

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

So, I expected to be writing my response to the prompt just before writing the new prompt as I've been doing, but I actually had yesterday off which was nice. My sister got me a bunch of spa stuff and a Lush gift card (and a hello kitty toaster because I love kitty like a loving thing). What's important about that is that she, a much harder working Ferengi * than me, said that I deserved a chance to relax as I'm hustling so hard, I was flattered and thought yesterday would be a good day to do just that.

So I slept in and then started to prepare for a beauty rite as I have a lot of external and internal issues with feeling good about myself.

Deb's Rite for Beauty and Awesomeness

1. If you have any beauty oriented god/desses, make an offering to them and if they're amendable to it, bring them into the bathroom to supervise. I brought in Erzulie and Aphrodite who were happy to supervise while making sure their respective offerings were EXACTLY EQUAL.

2. Gather the following:
* 1/4 cup rose water
* 4 cups milk
* 1/4 cup honey
* 1/4 cup coarse sea or Kosher salt
* 1/8 cup olive oil
* Sage essential oil
* 1 tablespoon of finely crushed dried rose petals
* 2 chamomile teabags in cold water
* A face mask
* Loofah or scrubby gloves
* Moisturizer
* Fresh strawberries
* St. Germain
* Music
* Jasmine incense

3. Start by lighting the jasmine incense and putting on your music. Then mix the salt and the olive oil together with the sage essential oil. Step into the shower and concentrate on scrubbing off all the crap you feel about your body and shitty things people have said about your body. While doing this I had the wistful thought, you used to be the May Queen. And I thought about how much I missed my old self, who was def not as wise or as organized, but who liked her body and liked to play. I thought about how I would like to reclaim being May Queen and I focused on letting all the stuff that weighed me down and made me feel not good enough going down the drain.

4. Start drawing a bath. Add the milk, honey, rose water and dried petals. Get in the tub. Eat the strawberries and St. Germain and relax and open yourself up to being beautiful.

5. Put the face mask on and the chamomile teabags on your eyes. Focus on relaxing and being beautiful. Wash the mask off.

6. Get out of the tub and moisturize. Admire how dewy your skin looks in the mirror.

7. If you're into self love, now's a good point to get down with that.

8. Put feather extensions in your hair so you're one step closer to looking like Aria Montgomery. (Optional) (Mine are purple)

I feel more myself than I have in a long time and more in touch with my body than I have in a long time. It feels really good to feel connected and to feel love for my body, it was a really powerful ritual for me.

* Mom gets huffy when I say that I come from a family of Ferengi because they are not aesthetically pleasing to her but when I explain that it's not about looks, it's about the drive, the hustle, the cunning, the tenacity and the ability to turn pennies into massive cash she is somewhat appeased. As I come from a family of Ferengi, I'm definitely the Quark of the family - doing well when compared to our peers, but by family standards- I'm awful with money (which makes everyone laugh when I say that because again, I'm pretty good with it but compared to my fam not so much)and a unrepentant artist/dreamer type, much like Quark as compared to the rest of his family. However I will say my mom's side (including my mom and sis) take a great deal of satisfaction in having a rebel/artist/writer in their ranks, so there is that.

[New Year, New You] Glamour and You

2012-01-24T13:22:00.001-05:00

[New Year New You] My Response to Maps

2012-01-24T12:52:00.002-05:00

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

I've been thinking about where I wanted to go for this particular experiment, and Jow was hopeful that we would maybe take a trip to New Hope but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to work on Spare Oom as it's really been more a disaster/storage space since the holidaze. I had ordered all the craft supplies I would need for the coming season which sounds awesome until you realize it all has to live somewhere which will require a lot of Jenga'ing because you don't live in a chateau, you live in a Parisian sized pied-a-terre (with no first bigger house but whatev I'm American).

Acquiring things for Spare Oom has been fun as it means I can pretend to be fancy and French (my Amazon wish list is now full of French aspirational books. I think I have a better chance pretending to be French than I do Mormon) and I've been selecting things slowly and carefully with Jow. A black lace shrug to go over my black chiffon dress that I'll use for rituals only. Candle holders. Element jars. Buying the table and shelves.

But now the time for acquiring has passed and it's time for the less fun part, organizing everything. We put up our Sarah Lawless print a bit ago and framing it was challenging but I got it done. We need an extension cord so chandelier with its soft pink bulb can be the main source of lighting. We hung up the collage I made of my family pictures in the hall and then proceeded to unpack all of my supplies and parceled them out (14 parcels of roving waiting to become skeins, eight pounds of beeswax waiting to become candles, and so on) and put them away.

We still need to set up our altar and shelving and finish setting things up but we should be ready to do our first ritual within a week or two. We've also been doing a good job with keeping up with keeping the house neat which is super important since we're both working so much. It's nice coming home to our hearth.

Feeling warm and cozy in our home as well as keeping up with our magical duties has become v. important to me in my own cosmogram. Which . . .as today is my birthday it's still startling feeling more Mother than Maiden as I spent a lot more time as Maiden than Mother.

Banana Oat Almond Butter Smoothie

2012-01-23T12:04:00.002-05:00

There's nothing like eating half a baby cow/veal, two pounds of mozzarella (half fried naturally), a pound of pasta, half a pound of spumoni ice cream and a gallon of aperitif in celebration of one's birthday to make one want to eat salad and smoothies for a day and a half after in an attempt to digest all of that mess.

My actual birthday is tomorrow, but I was *supposed* to be eating fried mac and cheese at a rockabilly roadhouse with all my besties but it snowed and I didn't want heavy food and heavy guilt in me due to someone getting into a car accident so instead, Jow and my bff April and I went to a v. local Italian place where I consoled myself in the way of my people. What kills me is what I ate used to just be like a Friday night for me (hence why I'm fat now) but now the next day (. . .and the day after) was just a total food hang over. Penance smoothies and salads were our only hope for digestion. So I bring you. . .

Banana Oat Almond Butter Smoothie

Ingredients

1/2 cup quick oatmeal
1 cup plain low-fat yogurt
2 banana, cut into thirds
1 cup fat-free milk
4 teaspoons honey
2 tablespoons almond butter
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 packet protein powder (we used hemp protein powder)
1 teaspoon flax seeds
4 ice cubes

Put everything in a blender and blend until smooth.

White Scarves and Frozen Toes

2012-01-19T09:46:00.000-05:00

It's seriously January in New Jersey and there's me, showing
common sense is for suckers.

As many of you know, one of my patron deities is Yemaya. Ten years ago I was a v. young twentysomething with stars in my eyes and fanaticism in my blood. I don't know how it came up at the time, but somehow I managed to talk my ADF Grove into giving the traditional New Year's Day ritual to Yemaya a go. Naturally we don't do it on New Year's Day proper as I would have been far too hung over to drive an hour down to the beach.

Somehow, despite the complete lack of appropriately similar climate and the fact that Yemaya is neither Indo nor European (as are the traditional ADF deities - all our main eight holidays are I-E), this ritual has managed to stick for our grove for ten years this year. Sometimes it's a lot of people joining us, sometimes it's just a few. Sometimes when the weather is good, it's a longer rit. Sometimes when there's say snow on the beach it's more of what we have called "chuck and run" style ritual. Every year though, even though the weather is no where near the Caribbean, our usually gray/green Atlantic manages to be a soft blue with a lacy pink and blue sky to match.

It's become so second nature to me at this point that it's hard for me to realize how much ritual goes into the ritual. I always try to wear as much as white and blue as possible, usually a sweater and underthings as well as a scarf. I always wear Uggs. I always wear my BPAL Yemaya oil. I always wear peals or some sort of seashell or other sealife jewelry. I try to remember to bring an extra pair of socks and a towel. I always go shopping for some of her favorite things - melons, flowers, soaps, french pastries, rum.

We always start at E. and N.'s house where we cut open the melons to act as boat vessels for our wishes for the new year. We decorate them with flowers and candles and other sweet things and write our wishes on joss paper and tuck them into the boats while I tell some of Her stories. We drive down to Point Pleasant, stopping on the way at a Dunkin Donuts for hot chocolates and coffees and donuts. When we get to Point Pleasant, I always get excited when I smell the beach. We tromp out with our boats and I make the invocation, spilling rum (this year Black Heart) out for Her as I speak. I take off my socks and shoes and roll up my pants, partly because it's a traditional thing to do and partly just because I know I'll wind up in the ocean because if you're really invested in seeing your wishes come true, it's good luck for your boat to go out with the first wave which means you need to wade in to make that happen. We hang out on the beach, floating our melon boats out to sea and watch to see what She does with them. Depending on how cold it is, I may dip in and out of the ocean a few times during this time. It's always v. v. v. cold as it's January but some years are far colder than others. Then we feed the seagulls and I put on new socks and shoes back on and try to get feeling back into my feet. We may play some Skeeball because even God likes that now and again to relax.

We've had some interesting omens through the years, but the most telling one was after Katerina when a family from New Orleans was staying with family in New Jersey and knew exactly what we were doing and asked for boats.

It's not a Jersey rite though unless it concludes at a round table at The Atlantis Diner where I always get a Taylor Ham sandwich on a hard roll with fries and gravy on the side in deference to the Lady as She favors pork. We talk about Pagany things over a late lunch and then make the trek back home.

Every year, like clockwork.

Omio Yemaya!

Was I My Best?

2012-01-19T08:52:00.004-05:00

So as you all know, I've been struggling to attend a BarreAmped dance class as I bought it through Groupon but after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, I've figured out that it's causing me more harm than good. The times for the classes are difficult for me to make and it's a couple towns over making it more complicated. Because I've been so focused on trying to get my ass there, I haven't been going to the gym which is all of two minutes from my house and open 24/7. With the new hours I'm working, I'm worried that this class may cause me more harm than good as I need to be v. careful with my spoons because if I overdo and flare up and need to take off of work, so do the women I work for.

Part of making goals (imo) is also figuring out which goals aren't so possible and recalibrating accordingly. So the new plan is to (hopefully*) go to the gym on Sat and Monday which will be my gym schedule in general as I feel that's something I can do indefinitely and it's a better spoon balance. I got some yoga classes and the times are a much better fit for my current schedule and it's a little closer to me.

So there is my full disclosure for the Experiment :)

* It's my first year nannying so it's germ farm a-go-go, whenever one of the kids is sick so am I. Baby #2 is sick right now and I'm feeling a little blech but I'm hoping to 'Quil it away.

[New Year, New Year] The Year of the Hustle: Let's Make Our Own Luck

2012-01-18T13:30:00.001-05:00

This is my personal update in general and in response to the Enchanting prompt.
For my response to Enchanting, I made sure to feed everything that needs to be fed (dessert roses, lodestones, high John, honey jar, mojo bags, etc) which I suck at as I have a the-world-is-my-tank-of-seamonkeys view point. I did some divination and asked my husbands (Jow and Gordon) what they thought and basically they reinforced what I suspected - my wheel is spinning too fast and there are too many variables to get a good bead on what's going to happen because it's changing too quickly. But. When I get overwhelmed, my natural inclination is to drop to the ground limp toddler style like Lilo does in Lilo and Stitch and just ignore everything and freak out. Which . . .I no longer have the luxury to do. So if I can keep focused and not give in to these inclinations, I can get a lot of shit done. I also did another ritual that I will be blogging about tomorrow.

Right now, I am so tired I feel like I'm almost in a trance state. Gearing up for the Year of the Hustle (you can thank Jow for that) and dipping my toes in is v. different than now being thrown into the deep end head first which is where I am now. Monday I had a total meltdown as I was convinced of my complete inability to get this shit done on top of working way more hours than I have in my day job in years as well as the added bonus of now needing to wake up at 6:15a two days a week. At the same time, having less time to fuck around with has made me much more focused.

Things I have been doing for my goals this week:
* Tracking my calories
* Made a dr. appt for Monday for fibro med check
* Cleaned/cleaned the house
* Kept up with everyone's NY NY entries
* Put out a query for an editor for the eCourse (and got three proposals from copyeditors already!)
* Reviewed and updated my credit card bills. I am now 2/3 paid off which is really good. My goal is to be completely paid off by the end of this year and to start savings.
* Left a message at the church re: the chapel for our wedding and got my stag/hen party date set.
* Kept up with writing the prompts
* Received all my crafting supplies for stock for the coming year/booked my first show (second will be booked later today)
* I will book my first dance class a little later today

Housekeeping Notes

2012-01-18T11:54:00.001-05:00

1. Previously I had a button for donations to go towards furthering my own Occult/Pagan education but that money will now be allocated for the costs associated with running this website and the impending free eCourse. If you've been getting something out of New Year, New You: An Experiment in Radical Magical Transformation, my website in general and/or are planning to take the free eCourse, consider donating a dollar or two.

2. I've been in such a daze from being sick since Christmas and starting additional hours with my day job that I haven't realized that I hadn't been using the moon phases, deity suggestions, etc for the prompts for the last couple weeks. I apologize, I will endevour to remember them for future weeks during NYNY.

[New Year, New You] Weekly Writing Prompt: Maps (Wait, They Don't Love You Like I Love You)

2012-01-17T19:00:00.000-05:00

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

As usual, without even discussing it, my PEH and I are on the same page.

This week's prompt is for you to go some place that is sacred to you and to use the experience to guide you in your work for 2012. Look for signs and omens everywhere, write down your dream from the night before and if your drunken whore of a Muse (. . .or, you know, your own personal spirits) give you direct input as to where to go and/or how to spend your time there, do what they tell you to do (. . .within reason, don't get stupid on me now, Charmers) and see where it takes you.

The point of this prompt is more about being open to an experience and relaxing your mind and seeing what kind of revelations you come to. We don't all have access to standing stones, it's about going to a place that's important to you in your own personal cosmogram - it could be a town, a bar, a church, someone's house, a restaurant, whatever. You know your own map. And it doesn't matter if your dreams are filled with your boss telling you to buy tomatoes and vodka on the expense account and demanding you mask it so that Accounting doesn't bother zir (. . .not from personal dream experience or anything) or if all you hear on the radio is Sexy and I Know It ninety billion times on repeat and that the only wild life you see is someone's Labrador and Red Mini Coopers suddenly seem important, write it all down. Don't try to interpret it until you're writing your blog entry. Let it marinade by your bedside until you write your blog entry.

Go find adventure.

[Recipe Monday] Cassoulet

2012-01-16T10:43:00.000-05:00

So. If you're looking for a reason to cry and feel bitter about your life, read this article and look at the blogs. I am without irony whining drunkenly right now about how badly I want to be a young hip not-Utah Mormon mom.

But. While waiting to become perfect, you still need to eat. So. Cassoulet.

Cassoulet
4 pieces of bacon, diced large
1 onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
1 parsnip, diced
1 carton baby bella mushrooms
1 can cannelloni beans, rinsed and drained
1 can chick peas, rinsed and drained
Large can of diced tomatoes, undrained
1 chicken bouillon cube
1 cup water
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
bouquet garni (I use a t-sac because I'm lazy and have them on hand) with fresh thyme, rosemary, parsley and a dried bay leaf)
Salt and pepper to taste
Seasoned panko breadcrumbs and grated cheese

Put the bacon in a large pot on medium heat on the stove. Drain some of the grease of of the pot. Add onions. Then add the mushrooms and then the garlic. When everything is browned, add the white wine and scrape the bottom of the pot. Add the rest of the ingredients except the breadcrumbs/cheese. Simmer uncovered on low heat for at least an hour. Scoop into bowls and top with breadcrumbs and grated cheese.

[New Year, New You] Some Enchanted Evening

2012-01-10T16:32:00.003-05:00

Back to work, bus slave.

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

So, when we broke down your goals, part of the question was what are you going to do magically to make sure that your goals happened. This is the week to really focus on that. If you have a ritual you've been wanting to do to shore things up, do it. If you need to check in with your spirits on where you're heading, get going. If you've hit a road block, break out your runes or tarot deck or whatever you use. If you've been meaning to meditate, go with Gaia.

If you need to cut ties with something or someone in your life, get to it. If you need to sweeten someone or something (bringing a new relationship into your life, a new job, etc), get to work. Mojo kind of weak lately? There's an app for that.

You've been grinding for five weeks, your resolve may be wavering but you don't have time for that. You've been working too hard to just give up now. You are a weaver of wonder, a dreamer of magic and in your tiny hands you possess the power to influence the universe in great and small ways. But if you can't change your own life, how are you supposed to change the universe? It all starts with your resolve to use your magic. It's your edge, your advantage in this world. Use it.

You can do this.

[New Year New You] My Response to Relax Don't Do It

2012-01-10T16:08:00.000-05:00

I'm so smug and rested!

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

Oh Charmers. I have had the worst stomach bug since yesterday. Seriously, give me the flu over this any day of the week. I can deal with fibro, anemia, anxiety/depression, my uterus turning itself inside out . . .but this? I seriously wanted to die.

In the interest of full disclosure, since my intestines were in revolt yesterday (and today), I didn't make it to my dance class yet. But I will when I feel fully human again.

So this particular exercise was hard for me to do because I'm used to being a worker bee. When someone is like, let me treat you to something nice, my answer is to flail a whole lot. Jow is similarly challenged in treating himself.

Because I'm always a party, on the day we agreed to do something nice for ourselves, I started getting v. anxious and "tail chew-y" about settling on something to do, likely because every plan I've made in the past two months have resulted in some kind of illness or other clusterfuck.

But Jow and I settled on going to Princeton. I realized part of why I was reluctant is that a lot of my past centered around there but it was time for me to take the town back. Jow always gets omg excited about University towns, he can smell the book learnin' happening as soon as we get there. It was nice having the time driving in the car down country roads to really catch up with each other.

We found a little boutique called Aphrodite with planetary sigils in their sign so we had a nice chat with the owners and then tried to go to a favorite restaurant of mine but the power was out so they gave us a gift card so I'll go back there for a birthday dinner. We went to another restaurant instead and did a sake flight and had really good dry rubbed ribs, tuna sashimi, crab wontons and soup with a tiny sweet for dessert. We made a nice simple dinner in for ourselves and then drank some St. Germain and enjoyed spending time together.

[New Year New You] My Response to Something I've Been Putting Off

2012-01-08T14:38:00.002-05:00

Yeah it looks just like this. Especially the heels.

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

Right. So I could pretend that I'm putting off business related things but that's bullshit because much like Timmy Ferris I enjoy working on business things most of the time so going by that I could claim to have a 4 hour work week too. Going to work? Hooray! Even when the baby of the day won't stop screaming and/or shits so far up her back it almost reaches her neck. I like working, it makes me feel productive. Finding craft shows? Also productive feeling. Ordering craft supplies? Super awesome, it's shopping *and* business. Doing craft shows? Occasionally annoyed by annoying customers but overall a productive feeling.

(Slightly related to the business thing, if anyone is looking for a dozen new and unused 16 oz jars with lids, I have them listed on my Etsy. My quest for the right sized jars for a project continues!)

But that is a bold face lie, Charmers. Inevitably, what I put off gets put into three categories:

1. Body related things

2. Cleaning

3. Writing

Writing has not so much been a problem with the whole Experiment although admittedly I do sometimes feel like I'm shoveling snow while it's still snowing in my quest to read everyone's entries and comment but it's also made me streamline my intertube habits. But I've been writing all the prompts I'm supposed to be writing and responding to my prompts as well as getting more articles queued up for WitchVox (which generates more email to respond to because I can't get enough of your love, baby). I've also been following up on some fiction stuff (selecting cover art for a short eBook, lining up readings, etc).

Cleaning inevitably gets done because we live in a small space and it starts to get me irritated if things slide for too long. I did talk to Jow about strategy for when I start working more hours shortly. We sorted out how things would be distributed/if we need to consider a cleaning service. I'm putting it off as we speak right now but I will be watching Hoarders and eating lunch after this which always kicks my ass into gear.

Which brings us to . . .body related things. A friend of mine had written on Facebook that since losing some weight, family, family and even strangers have felt like they have the right to comment on her body and how uncomfortable that makes her. I had been feeling that way for several years which has really stopped me from losing weight because it makes me feel like I lose agency over my body. As a feminist, you can imagine how distressing that is. (Side note: I think being pregnant would *really* freak me out hardcore because being preggo just makes that issue like a bazillion times worse) Honestly, just talking to someone else who has the same issue really made me feel better. Before I talked to her, no one else I know seemed bothered by it which made me feel like an isolated weirdo which made me feel like I would prefer to be a bigger chick who was left the fuck alone.

But I really want to be at a size that makes me feel happier with my body. I will never be smaller than a size 12 and I'm okay with that. My bone structure and my boobs will never conform to that. I'm somewhere between a size 14 and 16 and I would like to be closer to a 12. Numbers are arbitrary, but I have pictures of myself at a 12/14 and I like the way I look there a lot more. So that means I would ideally like to lose between 30 and 40 pounds. It took me a long time to gain that weight, it's going to take a long time to lose it and maintain it. While, yes, I would prefer a quick fix, I would really rather prefer to maintain a weight rather than treadmill for five hours a day for three months and then just gain it back. I don't want to be ruled by a "system" and I don't want to be ruled by a scale but I also don't want to be ruled by my eating issues either. I also want to get to a point where I can go to a party or an event and eat what I want and then go back to eating more sensibly and healthy without it being a whole traumatic event (I tend to either be on the bus or off the bus with this stuff).

I think part of the issue is that without a set diet, I didn't know up until five minutes ago how much weight I can expect to lose which also made it hard for me to feel motivated because otherwise it feels so arbitrary. Going by the calculator that Fitness magazine has (and continually adjusting my weight as I would theoretically be losing it) with the amount of calories I feel comfortable with (1500ish) and my activity level (light, gym twice a week), it's not impossible for me to be at my goal weight by August. I also figured out how many calories I should be taking in to maintain that weight (1800ish) with the same activity level.

I've been finding SparkPeople very helpful in tracking my calories and whatnot, more so I can track my patterns and to help me have an idea of when I'm overdoing it.

So, here's the part that's hard for me to share because saying it makes it real.

1. I will be going to my first BarreAmped class tomorrow which I'm terrified about. I used to love modern dance in college but I was a lot more in shape and lighter then. I'm worried that this is going to totally trigger my fibro and/or I will be humiliated by not being able to keep up. I've already ditched out of going once but it's a Groupon so I'm running out of time to fuck around about it. And now I also don't want to look hypercritical in front of all of you so now I have to. My palms are sweating right now just thinking about it.

2. When I am out of those classes, I will start my five yoga classes and hopefully be able to do at least one hot yoga class because I really have wanted to try it for years.

3. In between all that, I will be going to the gym another time sometime in the week. When I run out of classes, twice a week (possibly Saturdays and Mondays seem the easiest to manage and maintain for all fitness).

4. To try to get myself into my own body again, I booked a boudoir shoot to happen over the summer. I hate having my picture taken, I always look awkward and weird and I'd like to get more comfortable with myself and work my way up to feeling comfortable with doing a boudoir shoot.

So . . . here I am.

WitchVox Article: How May I Service You Today?

2012-01-08T13:50:00.001-05:00

My WitchVox article "How May I Service You Today?" is up:

I think service can be a difficult concept to our community because there are obvious services that many of us do not do... helping at a soup kitchen or a domestic violence helpline, volunteering in Haiti, etc. We all feel we should be doing these things but most of us don't. And because we keep holding ourselves to standards we may not ever be able to reach (yeah, ask me how becoming a Girl Scout Leader is going) because of our busy lives, we hamstring ourselves from having the opportunity to give small services. If you do big services like I listed above, you are truly an angel. But many of us get too bogged down in our daily lives and it can be challenging to get involved in a larger more global cause. To that I say two things:

1. Think globally; act locally.

2. What do you care about?

Read the rest here.

[Retro Recipe Not Monday] Baked Alaska

2012-01-05T17:47:00.002-05:00

Your husband needs this on a Tuesday night
regardless of your personal sexual orientation.

I was super surprised to find out that there are still modern Betty Drapers crazified enough to attempt this dessert. I've never had it, have any of you? Is it at all worth the sheer amount of effort that goes into it? My guess is no but I could be mistaken.

Baked Alaska (Food Network Recipe)

Ingredients

For the Ice Cream Cake:

Vegetable oil, for brushing
1 pint raspberry, passion fruit or other sorbet, softened
1 pint vanilla ice cream, softened
1 quart chocolate ice cream, softened
1 cup chocolate wafer crumbs (about 17 crushed wafers)
1 loaf pound cake

For the Meringue:

1 cup egg whites (about 6 large), at room temperature
Pinch of cream of tartar
1 cup sugar

Directions

Make the ice cream cake: Brush a 3-quart metal bowl with vegetable oil; line with plastic wrap. Fill the bowl with scoops of the sorbet, vanilla ice cream and half of the chocolate ice cream, alternating small and large scoops to create a mosaic of colors and shapes. Place a piece of plastic wrap on top of the ice cream; press down to close the gaps between scoops and even out the surface. Remove the plastic wrap, sprinkle the ice cream with the wafer crumbs and re-cover with the plastic wrap, pressing gently. Freeze until set, about 30 minutes.

Remove the wrap and spread the remaining chocolate ice cream in an even layer on top of the crumbs. Cut the pound cake into 1/2-inch-thick slices; completely cover the ice cream with the slices, trimming as needed (you'll use about two-thirds of the cake). Cover with fresh plastic wrap and freeze until firm, at least 2 hours or up to 2 days.

Make the meringue: Whip the egg whites and cream of tartar in a large bowl with a mixer on medium-high speed until foamy, about 2 minutes. Gradually beat in the sugar on high speed until the whites are glossy and hold stiff peaks.

Remove the top layer of plastic wrap, then invert the cake onto a parchment-lined baking sheet. (If necessary, let the cake stand overturned until it slips out.) Remove the rest of the plastic wrap and cover the ice cream completely with the meringue, making the dome-shaped top slightly thicker than the sides. Form swirly peaks in the meringue using the back of a spoon. Freeze for at least 3 more hours.

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees. Bake the cake until the meringue peaks are golden, about 4 minutes, or brown the meringue with a blowtorch. Let the cake soften at room temperature for 5 to 10 minutes before slicing. Freeze any leftovers.

[New Year New You] Into the New Year, Into the Breech

2012-01-05T17:18:00.003-05:00

The list of Charmers participating in the Experiment has been updated! We're up to 49 participants, who wants to be lucky 50? It's not too late to join, see here as to how.

And remember! It's not just until Valentine's Day anymore, it's going to be extended for an additional 14 weeks for a free eCourse. While it is slowly killing me to keep up, every person who leaves their link to their newest entry gets an entry into the contest and the delight of knowing that I read each and every one of your entries and comment as appropriately as it's going to get from me.

[New Year, New You] Writing Prompt: Relax, Don't Do It

2012-01-02T18:02:00.000-05:00

In the continuing adventures of the non-consentual D/s relationship
I have with my Muse, she requested this picture as it is an
"old school" pin up.

Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous Moon - As we're moving from Waning to Waxing, start concentrating on using this phase as a slow working up to your potential power.

Days of the Week: Sunday, Monday, Friday

Inspirational Song for Your Brainmeats: Dirty Laundry, Bitter:Suite (I'm just a bad girl/ that's why we get along/ won't make excuses for anything I'm doing wrong/ What's the point in playing it safe?/ Wouldn't you rather misbehave?)

My entry on what I've been putting off will be, well, put off a little. Jow has been v. sick with some kind vicious stomach bug so I've been tending to him. He's just starting to get back to his cheerful self now but he was pretty miserable. Ironically, given the name of this challenge, my New Year's didn't really go according to plan and neither did my New Year's Day but in a weird way while I don't like for Jow to be sick, I'm kind of glad I didn't get too caught up in the day itself because I find it has a way of derailing progress for the rest of the year.

Which is why if you have been doing what the prompts have been prompting you to do, I hope you can understand the reasoning behind this prompt. Even if you're behind in the prompting, I suggest doing this prompt for this week very strongly. I'll write you a permission slip, go out of order! You already started pushing when it was the hardest to push and I've been reading all your diligent work. But this week especially in my opinion is not a good week to be working on any kind of major progress in your goals. I say this because this week especially stinks of the first world "quick fix/quick resolution" egregore where people make their goals with the best of intentions and then half heartedly work on them during this week and then fuck them up and then they give up. You don't want to get your serious work that you already started messed up in that energy. This program has seven more weeks to go and then will pick up fourteen more weeks right after in the mini eCourse. You have plenty of time to get the things you want to do done, I promise. I'm going to be pushing you like whoa again starting next week.

Your mission for this week is a simple one but for many may be the hardest. I want you to do something nice for yourself. It doesn't have to be anything really expensive or even super time consuming. I want you to give yourself permission to enjoy the fruits of your labor and to give yourself something nice. You know what you like, what's something you usually deny yourself because it's frivolous? Do that and do it with your full heart - no guilt, no "oh but I should be", just something you enjoy, a gift from you to you for being willing to change your life.

Some suggestions:

* A salted caramel hot cocoa from Starbucks at a bookstore where you look at French Vogue and pretend you're part of GossipGirl

* A bottle of Prosecco, bread, fruit, cheese and dried meats and your favorite book.

* An hour playing a video game you never have time for

* Going to a yoga class and then feel smug about the sundae you eat afterwards.

* Buying yourself a small luxury item just because (flowers, cashmere socks, a favorite magazine, a new lipstick).

* A car ride in the countryside with your favorite music playing

* A long bath

* A massage

* A pedicure (it's good for boys too, I assure you)

* A mini marathon of your favorite trashy telly show with your favorite indulgence (smoking, drinking, junk food, etc.)

Go forth!

Happy New Year's!

2011-12-31T14:07:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year, Charmers. I hope you enjoy the night whether you're smeared in glitter getting into drunken arguments with your date at the club or at home Eating a Prosperious New Year.

Personally I slept ridiculously late today due to being out late last night and watching the epic cinema tour de force Dead Snow with friends and participating in a White Elephant gift exchange that amazingly didn't end in bloodshed.

I'm listening to Lady Gaga's station on Pandora so I can get ready to get slizzard tonight as I will be drinking with my besties in a hotel suite tonight where we will drink cosmos from a jug like the Goddess intended and eating far too much pizza.

Whether you wake up tomorrow bright eyed and bushy tailed or crawling out of bed feeling like you want to die, there's still plenty of time to join the Experiment.

How will you be ringing in the new year?

Glorious Things You Have to Look Forward to From Me!

2011-12-29T23:28:00.001-05:00

Alright Charmers, get excited. Since 2012 is the year to kick ass and take names, I will be producing the following for your enjoyment:

* The completion of the New Year, New You Experiment

* The continuation of the Experiment right after Valentine's Day into a free 14 week eCourse

* Limited Edition Magical Perfume Blend "Man in Black" which will be designed for those who like a more masculine blend. It will come in a labeled 5ML amber bottle and it will be consecrated to bring you confidence, financial success and make you more attractive than you already are. It will have some citrus notes, green tea notes, woodsy notes and warm spices. More details will follow, but there will only be a dozen made and it will be $20 on the first day offered, $25 after that. (Launch: Next month, tentatively)

* Limited Edition Magical Perfume Blend "Goddess of the Hearth" which will be designed to promote all good things needed in a hearth - financial security, happiness in romance and friendship and protection. This will be an essential oil/carrier oil mix that will be consecrated. It will contain lavender notes, white thyme notes and parsley notes. It will come in a 5ML amber bottle More details will follow, but there will only be a dozen made and it will be $20 on the first day offered, $25 after that. (Launch: Next month, tentatively)

(My Erzulie Limited Edition Solid perfume sold out within a month and I was told not only did it smell nice from a few parties but that they were also "knee deep in penises" so there's some positive feedback)

* I'm relaunching my Goddess Dollies line. They will have dresses that are nicer than anything I own and their bodies are made from cotton blends. They're appropriate to keep as soft representations of your patrons but also to sleep with and cuddle with. Their hearts are stuffed with materials that are appropriate to them. My first three I will be launching will be Hecate, Yemaya and Kali. I will only be launching one at a time and their clothes/hair/etc will change with each dolly I do. So if you're in love with a particular version of a dolly, snap it up because the next one will be somewhat different. They will be $40 each. (Launch: Next month, tentatively)

* Short book on a practice I'm working on and basically the importance of glamour in magic. I'm looking to launch it (tentatively) through Amazon in both paper and electronic Kindle versions. It will be professionally edited and illustrated. Tentatively, the paper version will be $8 and the electronic version will be $6 and will hopefully be out by end of summer.

* Post book, I will likely make the New Year, New You Experiment into a full 52 week course but we'll get there when we get there on that as it's the most distant in the future.

[New Year, New You] My Heart Opened Like an Oyster Shell . . .

2011-12-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

Pleased to meet you! Charmed, I'm sure!

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Right now to be completely honest I feel more like a modern Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe (. . .who had so many children she didn't know what to do) and not a Prada either. I've been sick for real since Dec 23rd to varying degrees and not exactly rocking a super sexy look (my yoga pants, a tank top and my old man cardigan have been my uniform) and it's been a challenge trying to balance everything. But it's been awesome so far and I'm really jazzed that everyone's so into this.

So jazzed that after I mapped out the rest of this Experiment (you're welcome ;p), I then went and mapped out a continuation of this experiment that's definitely going to be free, definitely going to be fourteen weeks long and likely to be through email. So while the first part will end on Valentine's Day, there will be a second part which will take you to May which will push you past the first hard part of the year.

It's not too late to join us in the Experiment, you can start on week one now and still be relatively in sync with your fellow Charmers if that's a concern. And if you started and fell behind, that's okay! Just pick up where ever you left off. Even my husband-elect has fallen behind and I still love him just the same.

Speaking of your fellow Charmers, even if you're not doing the Experiment, you can still observe other people's progress and cheer them on! If you join later, I will add you here and if you were grievously forgotten, poke at me and I'll fix it. Now, a la Patti Stanger, Meet my Charmers!

Birchtreemaiden

The Unlikely Mage

Jack Wren

Chrys

Monsignor Scott Rassbach

Petoskystone

Dyane

The Were Owl

Simon Tomasi

Peeps

Mr. Black

Andrew Bwatt

Satyr Magos

Polyphanes

Willow Silverhorse

Serenity Raven

Aradia

Katie K

Ocean Delano

Michael Seblux

Rose Weaver

Hanshishiro

The ocelot

Jow

EKB

Rufus Opus

Bea

A Green Branch

ELI

Snaegl

Blue Flame Magick

Grace

Jason Miller

Vagabond Anne

Ximeragrey

Lilith

nkyinkyin

Avalon

Wren

Lux

Pallas Renatus

Witch in the Suburbs

MG Ellington

Forest Rose

Hannah

The Forest Witch

Tallah

Sister Krissy Fiction

[New Year, New You] Supplemental: Jason's New Year, New You Reading

2011-12-27T17:55:00.003-05:00

From Jason Miller:

All this New Years New You talk has really got me going, and I want to do whatever I can to get you going too.

From now until the Perihelion (January 3rd) I am offering the STRATEGIC SORCERY COURSE FOR $100

That is $50 off.

But wait! That’s not all! (I have been waiting all my life to say that…)

Take advantage of this offer and I will also give you ONE FREE TAROT OR SYBILLA READING about your new years projects. I am on fire with readings over the last few months since I found my old Sacred Rose Tarot that I bought in college and for once am having a good time reading for people.

So to recap: order by January 3rd and get the Strategic Sorcery Course AND one free Tarot Reading.

Every week someone from the course writes me with results that they have been getting from the course work and how it is changing their life, and I really want to make it accessible to those who are getting into the NEW YEARS, NEW YOU vibe.

To take advantage of the offer write me at inominandum@gmail.com with STRATEGIC NEW YEAR in the subject line.

[New Year, New You] Weekly Writing Prompt: Something You've Been Putting Off

2011-12-27T17:51:00.000-05:00

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

Deities: Beaver, Uzume, Sehkmet, Ullr, Demeter, Saraswati

Phase of the Moon: The Waning Crescent Moon right now. Use this phase to focus on banishing laziness from getting shit done that needs to get done.

Days of the Week: Tuesday, Saturday

Inspirational Music for Your Brain Meats: On the Radio, Regina Spektor (No, this is how it works/ You peer inside yourself/ You take the things you like/ And try to love the things you took/ And then you take that love you made/ And stick it into some/ Someone else's heart/ Pumping someone else's blood/ And walking arm in arm/ You hope it don't get harmed/ But even if it does/ You'll just do it all again)

Let's face it, Charmers, the critical component to success or failure in your goals is your ability to do shit you don't want to do. I can promise you that your goals are crammed chock full of glistening gems that you would rather claw your own eyes out than address. If you liked addressing these things, your goals wouldn't be goals, they would be called Items I Am Already Doing No Problem-o.

As O-Ren Ishii once said, Now's the fucking time. Stop being a slag, stop complaining, stop coming up with amazing awesome reasons as to why you can't do it right now and close your eyes and grit your teeth and just do it. Do it now before everyone else starts making their half assed efforts towards radical self change in a week or less because once you jump this hurdle, the other hurdles become much easier. Now when you're most tired, now when you least want to. Now is the time you show the universe how magic is done.

I believe in you, Charmers.

[New Year, New You] Supplemental: I Can Change One Thing

2011-12-27T17:29:00.003-05:00

Lyn has a great free journal work book available through her blog, Witch Blog that will help you change one thing in the new year. Check it out!

[New Year, New You] My Response to Goals

2011-12-23T14:16:00.002-05:00

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

My Larger Goals for 2012:

Grow my magic focused writing

Grow my crafting business

Work on personal magical practice

Work on body love while working on eating and exercise habits

Enjoy our year of engagement together

Pay off my credit card debt

Do more fun things

Bite sized pieces for between now and Valentine's Day:

Magic focused writing:

Have a powwow with my PEH, Gordon, and a few others about how to go about getting my first booklet out. (mostly done)
Investigate small occult presses, Kindle Direct and Amazon direct (done)
Write and submit an article monthly to Witchvox (done for this month)
Come up with a premise for said booklet (done)
Start writing a short course and test out a delivery system for it (Jan)
Investigate costs related to using my own illustrators and editors (in progress)

Grow my crafting business:

Release my first magic/fragrance oil for boys (thanks to AIT!) before Valentine's Day
Release my Goddess of the Hearth essential oil blend before Valentine's Day
Work on my Goddess Dollies next week since I have some extra time
Work on restocking my wares
Figure out my craft show "bunny trail" in Jan for restarting in March

Work on body love while working on eating and exercise habits:

Dress well as I am right now (a constant work in progress)
Focus on what I'm putting into my body
Start exercising two to three times a week regularly and sustainably (next week)
Love my body right now as is (a constant work in progress)

Enjoy our year of engagement together:
Plan something to do for Valentine's Day to celebrate the egregor of love together
Start being more list conscious again (next week)
Do new things together for our dates
Get dressed up for each other

Personal magical practice:
Start japa'ing every day (next week)
Start evening practice (next week)
Finish Spare Oom (next week)
Do our first rit together (next new moon)

Pay off credit card debt:
I'm already consolidated, so it's just a matter of continuing the work I started and paying off minor credit cards.

Do more fun things:
My bff and I currently have plans to go to a goth night in a couple weeks
Spaghetti taco night was fun
Keep my eyes open for new and interesting things to do and not settle into hibernation mode

Magical things:

Writing
Do magic so that I have things to work on. Write enchantments. Meet with Certain Spirits

Grow Craft Business
Outsource to Jow for prosperity work as he does a good job with it for my crafting.

Body Love
Continue meeting with Certain Spirits

Engagement Enjoyment
~~Menstrual blood in Jow's marinara.~~ Our Spare Oom magical practice jamboree which will make us closer or stab each other to death. Good marriage prep.

Credit Card Debt
Continue my own prosperity magic which I've gotten lazy about. Poor honeypot. >:\

Do More Fun Things
Continue glamoury rituals pre-fun things.

Divination

Radiomancy
"Horse and I" Bat for Lashes through Pandora. Well that's terrifying.
(Got woken in the night, / by a mystic golden light. / My head soaked in river water. / I had been dressed in a coat of armor. They called a horse out of the woodland. / "Take her there, through the desert shores." /They sang to me, "This is yours to wear. You're the chosen one, there's no turning back now." / The smell of redwood giants. /The banquet for the shadows. /Horse and I, we're dancers in the dark. /Came upon the headdress. /It was gilded, dark and golden. /The children sang. /I was so afraid I took it to my head and prayed. /They sang to me, "This is yours to wear. You're the chosen one, there's no turning back." /They sang to me, "This is yours to wear. You're the chosen one, there's no turning back." /There is no turning back. /There is no turn. /There is no turning back. /There is no turn. /There is no turning back. /There is no turn)

Tarot
Housewives Tarot, Four card spread

The Hermit
Two of Cups
Five of Pentacles
Knight of Pentacles

Basically, I need to be able to balance everything for everything to work right and to make sure that I get enough down time and don't get discouraged by potential financial problems (maybe a loss of a job, an appendix, my car, who knows) and to use my ambition wisely to fuel all my projects not just the fun ones basically. Things may not go according to plan but I need to keep pushing anyway.

Spirit Consultation

Me: So . . . what's holding me back here?

My Muse (bored): The same thing that holds you back every night, Pinkie. You get afraid and you freak yourself out and you stop yourself before you get to awesome.

Me: So how do I fix that?

My Muse: Stop doing it.

Me: Your divine helpfulness never ceases to amaze me.

Me: What's holding me back from losing weight?

Spirit: You're afraid to be empty. And alone.

Me: What! Where the fuck did that come from? I guess it must be right if I managed to get startled by the answer. I didn't think I was lonely but I guess I do a lot of things including eating to be not lonely? And I guess while I never spread my legs to fill me up a la Amanda Palmer's "Runs in the Family" I guess I do open my mouth a lot to fill me up.

Before I start eating something now, especially if it's something questionable, I remind myself that I'm not empty and that seems to help a lot. The gym is just a matter of routine, the food stuff gets more complicated and spiritual/psychological which I am carefully unwinding.

[Recipe Monday] Spaghetti Tacos

2011-12-21T21:57:00.001-05:00

All the cool kids are doing it.

Maybe it's Monday, maybe it's not. The point is that it's Solstice which means traditional celebration is needed. Now it's not quite as much of a high holiday as Rex Manning Day but important nonetheless.

This year I have chosen to celebrate it in a manner that is cross culturally traditional for all cultures all over the world. All cultures. Which means guzzling white zinfandel, eating spaghetti tacos and watching iCarly with my bff and Jow as thirtysomethings are prone to do in their own company.

It's not too late to join the awesome, here's the recipe we came up with:

Spaghetti Tacos
1/4 box linguini
1 large can of crushed tomatoes
1 package ground beef
1 package hard taco shells
1 packet taco seasoning
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Brown the ground beef in a deep frying pan and add half the packet of taco seasoning. Drain the grease. Add the crushed tomatoes and the rest of the taco seasoning and simmer on low heat on the stove top. Bring water to a boil in another pot and add the linguini with a little salt and olive oil and cook for 8 minutes and then drain. Put the linguini into the hard shell taco and then the meat sauce and then the mozzarella. Nom!

Happy Longest Night everyone! Keep it sexy!

[New Year, New You] Weekly Writing Prompt: Goals

2011-12-20T17:53:00.001-05:00

You wish it was Avon calling.

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

Please remember to leave a link here to your blog entry with your response to this prompt or an update on your own Experiment.

Many of you have already started to set goals for yourself which is awesome. If you have not yet, this is the prompt for you to do so.

What do you want to accomplish in 2012 using both magical and mundane means?

In the interest of full disclosure, I don't generally plan my activities around moon phases/days of the week but I know some of you are into that so I list my recs here for those of you who do.

God/dess/es: Athena, Bhramari Devi, Thoth, Var, Daikoku, Rat

Phase of the Moon: The Waning Crescent Moon right now. Use this phase to focus on banishing your negative attachments

Days of the Week: Wednesday, Sunday

Inspirational Song for Your Brainmeat: What the Water Gave Me, Florence + the Machine (‘Cause she’s a crueler mistress/ And the bargain must be made/ But oh, my love, don’t forget me/ When I let the water take me)

Most of you have set the larger goals, but now is the time to do a few things:

1. How are you going to accomplish these large goals in your daily life? You need to start breaking it up into bite sized pieces. Our particular Experiment goes until Valentine's Day. What can you reasonably expect to accomplish by then? How will you do it?

Example: I want to be more physically fit. What days will you go on the gym? What's your Plan B if you can't get to the gym that day? Do you want to be able to run for twenty minutes without feeling like you're dying? Then how much time will you spend on the treadmill on Week 1 and how much on Week 2, etc? Will you be modifying your diet/water consumption/alcohol consumption? How? What will you do when you go out with friends or go to parties? What's your plan for when you get bored with the gym? What about when you're snowed in or sick? Really get into the meat of what you're trying to do. You're going to fuck this up sometimes and that's okay. But you need to start laying down real ground work because the more you you flesh this out, the more it becomes real.

An aside: While not the example given, many people want to write books. I strongly suggest looking at my PEH, Gordon's eBook crash course and Penelope Trunk's advice today.

2. What magical acts (rituals, spellwork, whatever it is you do) can you do to help you accomplish this goal? If you are into Planetary magic, you may want to consider looking into the Gates work that RO does to help you accomplish your goals. Thinking strategically in magic isn't something that comes naturally to a lot of us either. Check out Jason's books on Strategic Sorcery if that's something you need some guidance on.

Continuing with our example of wanting to be more physically fit, you may want to consider taking yoga as part of your regime. Not power yoga or sweating yoga or all the other ridiculous crap we add to make it more efficient. Spiritual yoga led by a knowledgeable teacher. Do ritual work to feel more present in your body. Enchant to really make your body into a temple. Put orange essential oil on to make you feel peppier and more able to do your work with a tiny spell rhyme attached to it.

3. Use your preferred method of divination to figure out both what you can do to make sure these goals will happen and also to figure out what road blocks keep you from this.

4. Consult whatever inner or outer spirits you may work with as to what's blocking you from achieving your goals. If you're the meditative type, when meditating consult your spirits there. If you aren't the meditative type, when you are just about to drift off to sleep when your mind is relaxed, ask what's preventing you from achieving these goals. In terms of "who" you're asking, you can ask personal spirit guides or god/dess/es, your Younger Self, Talking Self, and Higher Self or even personifications of the traits you're either trying to emulate or discourage. Whatever works for your personal cosmos.

That should be more than enough for you to try to figure out over the holidaze. Get to work!

[New Year, New You] My Response to Making Way

2011-12-20T16:44:00.000-05:00

Apparently my Muse likes pin up girls.
I blame all the American Horror Story.

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

I've been reading and commenting on everyone's responses to the first prompt, Making Way and encourage everyone to get to know your fellow Charmers whether or not you're doing the Experiment yourself.

I think it's a good idea for me to post my own workings with the prompt before posting a new prompt so you can see what I'm doing instead of me just handing down proclamations (. . .which I'd frankly prefer to be doing because I'm exhausted all the time right now but share share and all that's fair) as well as any observations from reading everyone's work.

In terms of general observation on everyone's work, the pattern I've noticed the most personally is that most people were good on two of the three items and the third one was invariably reacted to as ". . . shit." But you all did some serious reflecting on your troublesome third aspect and started figuring out ways to deal which is v. v. good.

Clean House
For me, at the time of writing the prompt, my house wasn't too messy but as the week wore on and all the holidaze prep paraphernalia and a few days later I was feeling like a big ol' hypocrite because I was surrounded by mountains of clutter and feeling more and more stressed out.

We made plans to clean and decorate but, you know, that's hilarious like a reliably funny sitcom to our god/dess/es overlords so needless to say that even though Jow and I generally get along disgustingly well, we totes got into it on Friday (My bff (scandalized) : You yelled at Jow? Me: Yes. AND WAIT UNTIL HE COMES HOME! She: Um . . .wow) when we were supposed to clean/decorate and have a romantic night in. Now lest you think we're mice, Jow and I both have fearsome tempers and used to have Epic Battle Royales with our exes but we both got sick of living like that and do a lot of conscious work to not be like that anymore. And for both of us, we're much happier not living life at a tsunami level of constant rage. But once in a blue moon when our buttons get pushed in exactly the right sequence, it's on like Donkey Kong. So we spent our Friday night sifting through that and eating shitty food from Applebees that made us both feel ill because we're not used to eating shitty food anymore.

This time of year is particularly difficult because if you were raised with Christmas (and possibly Hanukkah), there's this egregore that this is the most wonderful time of the year doing battle with your actual experiences of some of the most magical holidays and the holidays where your alcoholic father was in a horrendous rage and made everyone cry for Christmas (insert your own trauma here). In fact, it's been proven that it's impossible not to be depressed this time of year. Once you really sit with that, dealing with the holidaze becomes easier.

So yesterday we cleaned our house, I cleansed with my cleansing incense, we hung evergreen roping that makes our house smell bizarrely like the McKittrick, we cloved oranges and arranged them in a bowl with Miss Martha ornaments, cinnamon sticks and a particularly prancey reindeer. We put out a poinsettia that I didn't kill unlike its mate and a basket full of pinecones. We decorated a ridiculously tiny bonsai evergreen with garland and ornaments. We listened to A Darker Shade of Pagan and drank mulled red wine that I made and ate clementines and chocolate cherry bread and had the best night possible, given the crushing weight of the holidaze.

Time

My computer's post it notes have been having post it babies. But I feel like I've been using my time as wisely as possible as it's being spent dealing with holidaze related errands and work when I'm not working. Also, I'm doing this Experiment which is time consuming and alternately wonderful and terrifying. I have not been screwing around the intertubes much as there's just no time for it. I'm going to work on getting through the new year and then restructure from there. Things are getting checked off my to-do list slowly but surely (there's a finished quilt and 12 jars of ginger peach jam in my fridge so I think I'm doing okay). While I'm a terrible gossip and reality show whore, I found my Platonic Euro Husband's link to an article on Not Listening v. useful. I've frankly been much happier with just news snippets, Jezabel and articles I read off of my Facebook/Twitter feeds verses the full court NPR/CNN barrage of despair. Yes, everything's horrible, I know, I know. I've been better for not rubbing my face in it on the regular.

Rocks

This holidaze season has the heightened excitement of both being engaged and being without a few people who were close to me. My Senior Druid's description of the holidaze ("I'm laughing! I'm laughing! I'm crying! I'm crying! Oh god! Oh god!") is particularly apt for me this year. It's been a hard adjustment, I miss them but we're all better off without each other. For me the hardest rock to lay down wasn't the wrongs that had been done to me but to forgive myself for the things I did wrong to make those relationships toxic. As the adult child of an alcoholic, my reaction to a toxic situation is to bathe in that fucker and figuratively drink myself sick on it because that's all things I understand. I tend to want to just let that relationship keep getting less and less healthy and more and more mutated until all it is is an exercise in emotional cutting. I'm trying to stop doing that, I'm trying to stop engaging and learn to give myself a clean break and release old fetters but it is not a natural impulse. But I've been doing a lot of work on that since my divorce and even more work on that since the fall. Because I need to, otherwise I'm so full of word vomit (I could hear people getting bored with me. But I couldn't stop. It just kept coming up like word vomit.)I don't know what to do with myself and I'm so full of toxic yuck that I can't do anything productive because everything I do is tainted and reactionary. So I'm working to get off the merry-go-round with the understanding that I'll get back on it sometimes because it's in my lizard brain to do that. But working at it and being vigilant is important and forgiving myself when I'm not stronger than it is even more so.

[Retro Recipe Monday] Party Sandwich Loaf

2011-12-19T17:36:00.000-05:00

From The General Foods Kitchen Cookbook:

Party Sandwich Loaf
4 colored sandwich fillings
1 unsliced loaf of sandwich bread
Butter
4 packages of 3 oz cream cheese
Red Food Coloring

Prepare colored sandwich fillings. Remove crusts from the bread. Cut lengthwise into 5 long slices. Butter each slice. Spread each of 4 bread slices with a filling. Place the bread slices on top of one another in order listed. Top with remaining buttered bread slice, making a five layer loaf.

Soften 3 packages of cream cheese. Blend in 2 tablespoons of the cream. Spread over top and sides of the loaf. Soften remaining package of cream cheese. Blend in remaining 1 tablespoon of cream. (Note: I'm assuming they mean the cream cheese?) Tint a delicate pink with red food coloring. Place pink cream cheese in a decorating tube and garnish loaf. Wrap loaf loosely in waxed paper. Chill at least 3 hours. When ready to serve, place loaf on a large platter. Garnish with lettuce and ripe olives. Slice and serve.

For red filling: Combine 1/4 pound minced boiled ham and 1 minced pimiento. Add mayonnaise until consistency desired. Season to taste.

For yellow filling: Combine 3 minced hard cooked eggs with enough mayonnaise to make consistency desired. Season to taste.

For dark filling: Combine 1/4 pound mashed liverwurst and 2 teaspoons grated onion. Add mayonnaise until consistency desired. Season to taste.

For green filling: Combine 1/3 cup minced sweet pickle with 2 tablespoons minced parsley. Add mayonnaise until consistency desired. Season to taste.

[New Year New You] The Process

2011-12-15T11:54:00.000-05:00

So, there may be some confusion about joining The Project and such. You can join anytime you like, even in the last week. You will likely not get as much from it if you wait a super long time like that, but who am I to say? Maybe your mind will be blown and you'll transform into a new person, I'm not omnipotent. But if your brain is exploding from holidaze madness right now and you need a few weeks to get your shit together, no one is going to say OMG! LOOK AT LUCY COME LATELY! WHAT A FAILER TO TRY LATE AND AT ALL! It's always better to try than to not try at all if you ask me.

If life happens and you miss a week or two and you know in your heart of hearts you're doing everything you can do just to tread water due to Life Happening, that's fine too. This requires radical self honesty. Are you really treading water or are you being a lazy slag? Only you know the answer to that. But the point is for you to get as much out of this as possible.

I know it's human nature to get intimidated and competitive with other people's goals, Lordess knows I'm guilty of that too. But if it's not driving you to be a more awesome you and instead is making you eat your stomach from the inside out with misery and perhaps shame, remind yourself that everyone is a special unique snowflake with special unique snowflake goals and life circumstances. The goal is for you to improve your life by hook and crook and bell and book. What is challenging for you may be a breeze for someone and what's a breeze for you may be challenging for someone else.

If you don't get a chance to do the first prompt until next week or three weeks from now, don't feel like you can't do it. You can always add your input to the page, people are still trickling in. It's not like I gave you a ten minute meditation to do to start, I asked you to hit the floor running. This may take a few days to do.

I encourage you to check out other people's responses to the first prompt to get an idea of where everyone is coming from. If you aren't able to participate in the experiment for whatever reason, you could still fill a very important role by encouraging your fellow Charmers in their transformation.

[New Year, New You] Quick Note

2011-12-14T04:00:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to let you all know that I've been reading all your plots and plans for The Project. It's been really exciting reading everyone's ideas! I encourage you to check out what everyone's doing, the links are all there.

As you likely saw, the first prompt is up. I also want to remind you to post links to your updates in the comments, even if they're not related to the prompts. That way we can all keep each other in the loop about our progress and of course, more contest entries.

Good luck to everyone on our first week!

(Somewhat) unrelatedly, is anyone decent in French? I have a question.

[New Year, New You] Weekly Writing Prompt: Making Way

2011-12-13T14:32:00.001-05:00

What? Like it's hard or something?

The New Year, New You Project is an experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. Please see here for how to participate!

She (kicks the bed hard): Get up.

Me: Ugh. No. I feel like booboo.

She: What did I say? Didn't I say this was going to be hard? Stop whining and crying about your widdle sniffles and your pwerious auto-immune system problems and get to work.

Me: I don't wanna do this anymore.

She: Bitch, you haven't even started yet. You do not want to mess with me about this, especially this early in the game. Get. To. Work.

***

I started a spreadsheet to keep track of everyone's entries. The writing prompts will be happening on a weekly basis. To keep getting entries in the contest and also to show everyone what you're working on, respond to each prompt with your response (and a link to it) or a link to your status update on your own personal projects.

So, whenever I see the opportunity for success, I do what every sensible person does, I try to actively ignore it as best as I can and when that doesn't work, I do things to actively self sabotage it. Getting back up from failure for me is easy, succeeding makes my blood run cold. So, seeing all you lovely Charmers wanting to take place in this experiment that was completely initiated by me my muse, predictably made me want to hide under my bed with my new blankie and a bottle of St. Germain until it passes. My body was more than happy to comply, my godson/nephew was spreading all his High Octane Baby Germ Farm cooties to Jow and me and today I feel like crap for the first time in a long time. I tried to go back to sleep, but my Muse was not having any of it. Tired of waiting for me to get my ass in gear I suppose.

Making Way

Let's start at the very beginning/ it's a very good place to start . . .

Suggested Deities for this Working: Ganesha, Janus, Kali, Eostre, Bridget

Moon Phase: Waning (and She's waning right now)

Day of the Week: It can definitely be argued that Wednesdays are a good day to make changes as it's a Mercury day. So don't be a slacker. Saturday would also be a good day if you need a little time to get your shit together.

Suggested Inspirational Music: A Little Bit of Arson Never Hurt Anyone, Matson Jones
(And I've got people to see/ And places that I need to burn down/ And secrets that I need to burn out of my head)

You can't start putting all this awesome new crap into your life and body until you get rid of the old crap. Old crap here is defined as many things such as relationships that are no longer working, old crutches, clutter of the mind and of the house.

Let's start with the easy part. Time to clean your house. I know people get irritated when I say that but as a magic user, the way energy flows in a dirty cluttered house verses a clean organized house is very, very different. If you do your work outside then you can disregard this part. If you're an indoor dwelling creature like me, you can't. Sorry. If you are feeling really resistant to this part, take some time to journal and figure out why it aggravates you and then consider doing it anyway to see what it feels like to be in a different environment. If you don't like it, I assure you that it will go back to its natural habitat easily enough. You can totes hire someone do do the actual cleaning part. Groupon often offers a first time cleaning service at a reduced rate so you can pay someone to do all the super tedious tub cleaning parts. If you would like to learn how to clean your house all by yourself, FlyLady is a good start because she has pretty realistic expectations of working full time/what you can do in a day and how to organize it/what reasonably clean is vs Miss Martha clean if you can put up with all the purple puddles and whatnot (you'll see).

Before you really start scrubbing things clean however, you need to start getting rid of junk. If you are feeling clingy to your items, watch three episodes in a row of Hoarders and you won't be feeling so tight fisted anymore. Are there books you have that you haven't looked at in over a year? They've got to go. Clothes that just need a small repair you'll never make/will fit if/you haven't worn in a year? Bye. Is your kitchen full of expired dry goods/refrigerated stuff? Toss. Do you have small appliances, pots and pans, electronics and other assorted space consuming items that you can't remember the last time you used? Got to go. Anything that is gently worn can be donated and this is a particularly nice time of year to be making donations. There are organizations that benefit things like disease research instead of a religious agenda if that bothers you. I personally like donating to Lupus because they take books and my grandma died due to Lupus complications.

Okay, so you decluttered and did whatever you had to do to get your residence clean. Awesome. Time to magically cleanse too. All of this can be done as a sacrifice to the god/dess/es of your choice because it is a sacrifice for most of us to do all of that.

Is your time being well spent? How are you supposed to really work on all these projects of yours if your time is getting siphoned off on unproductive things? Only you can really determine what is a productive use of your time, but if it feels more like an obligation than something you really want to be doing and you are able to gently and quickly cut ties with that activity/acquaintance/whatever, do so. Now's a good time to get rid of things that are dead weight.

It's also a good time to look at your schedule and make sure you're spending your time well. Sometimes, spending your time well does indeed mean watching five hours of Toddlers and Tiaras and drinking port. Everyone needs down time, but figure out how much down time you need per day so you're not a snarling beast and give it to yourself strings free. If you don't, you won't be able to accomplish anything. If you're just being lazy and screwing around (which is also in our nature), shut off the television, stop checking your smartphone every two minutes and get LeechBlock and do whatever it is you're supposed to be doing - spending quality time with your family, working on your business, making alchemy happen, going to the gym, etc. In an ideal world, I think you should be able to find an hour a day to work on whatever project you want to work on. I don't think that's crazy - eight hours to work, eight hours to sleep, seven hours for down time and whatever other unavoidable things you have to get done (like commute, errands, those kids of yours, etc) and then an hour for your special projects. You can rotate your projects. Maybe you can't go to the gym every day or meditate every day. That's okay. Dedicating at least an hour a week to it is probably more than you're doing now. You should probably not have any more than seven projects going at a time anyway for your own sanity.

Just because someone hands you a big rock doesn't mean you have to carry it. We all have baggage to deal with (such as forgiveness issues and toxicity). What's weighing you down? Light a candle to your deity(ies) of choice and really do some journaling about it. Explore the issue(s) with a very close friend. Do your best to let go of it, even if you do need to sometimes need to occasionally revisit it.

What I've done:

* As regular readers know, Jow and I have been having an on going discussion about what to do with our Spare Oom and we've made a lot of progress with figuring out how we want it to look and what we want to do there. To do this, we destashed something like 200 something books, both to sell and donate. I've also donated a sizable chunk of my wardrobe.

* I recently did a big house cleaning, so our house is in pretty good shape.

* In terms of time, I've done a lot of hard work to really give myself the freedom to do the things I want to do. My work schedule is set up so that I have Mondays with Jow and my evenings and weekends were devoted to my crafting business as well as socializing. Come Jan my schedule will be even more stable and I won't have an excuse not to write or go to the gym.

* In terms of big rocks, I realized it's a big stumbling block for me that I am afraid of success because it's had some really negative repercussions in my romantic life and subconsciously in addition to my usual fear of success, it's gone a step further because I was afraid that if I was too successful, I could lose Jow. Naturally, we've talked a lot about this and the underlying issues there and anyone who knows Jow knows what a supportive pony he is but my fear is that I've thought previous relationships were supportive and hindsight has shown not so much. I've also been contemplating relationships that became toxic as well as dealing with the holidays, my relationship with food and contemplating my future. Lots of big thinking.

[Retro Recipe Monday] Southern Eggnog

2011-12-12T12:23:00.001-05:00

Firstly, thanks to all you Charmers who've already signed up for New Year, New You: An Experiment in Magical Radical Transformation. There's always this awkward moment (and by moment I mean several hours) when you've put something out into the universe like this and you're wondering does everyone think I'm crazy/crazier than usual? I will be doing our first prompt sometime this week, possibly tomorrow.

Onto the business at hand! I thought we'd get back to our old friend The General Foods Kitchen Cookbook for some Christmas abominations.

If you get brave and decide to make any of this, as always, I'm happy to include you in a Recipe Monday guest spot.

Southern Eggnog

1 package (3 1/4 oz) Jell-O Vanilla Pudding and Pie Filling
1/2 cup sugar
1 quart milk
3 egg yolks, slightly beaten
3 egg whites
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup peach brandy or Grand Marnier
1 cup whipping cream
Nutmeg

Combine pudding mix, sugar and 1/4 cup of the milk in a 2-quart saucepan. Add slightly beaten egg yolks and blend well. Then add remaining milk; mix well. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until mixture comes to a full boil - about 10 minutes. Cool. Beat egg whites until stiff peaks will form; fold into cooled pudding mixture. Add vanilla and brandy; then chill several hours. Just before serving, whip the cream. Spoon onto eggnog. Sprinkle with nutmeg. Serves 12.

New Year, New You: An Experiment in Magical Radical Transformation

2011-12-10T19:55:00.001-05:00

Yeah. . .She's not this classy. Trust me.

My muse and I have an on-going disagreement of sorts. Well. I do. She is indifferent as usual to my thoughts and feelings. She clomps into my bedroom, heels in hand, cosmo and cheese fries on her breath.

She (poking me hard): Hey. Get up.

Me: What? It's bedtime and we're not talking friends --

She: Whatever. I have an idea.

Me: Your ideas are disorderly and often inconvenient. I'm going back to bed.

She: No, you're not. I'm going to keep poking you in your brain pan until you listen. Are you listening now? Are you listening now? Are you listening now? Are you listening now? Are you listening now? Are you listening --

Me: JESUS CHRIST, I HATE YOU!

She: So it goes like this.

So, you're supposed to be, like, magicians, occultists, witches in the woods and the kitchen and on the soccer field, right? Workers of wonder. Dream weavers. People who get shit done. Isn't this the year to make your own luck? You're feeling especially awful with the nights that never end and run over by the holidaze and you can't drink joie forever before needing a meeting. So now's the fucking time. Don't wait until that stupid glitter ball drops and you're already making drunk and/or sentimental mistakes, start now. Start now when it's hardest. Start now when you feel so weighed down with emotions better left to glittery and not so glittery vampires and when you feel like you could sleep forever. Now is the time you need to wake up. Get up, get up! Don't miss this moment. Create magics great and small, mundane and mystical. Find everything you've been looking for, mysteries revealed in every form of divination and song and when you fuck it up, when you are too tired to try, bring each other up from bloodied knees to get back up smiling. You are all made of stars and you have stardust in your veins. Do something about it.

Here is what you'll do. You'll write prompts. You'll explore. You'll fall down. Sometimes you'll lay there awhile, finding things under rocks that you never wanted to know. They'll pull you back, using yarn, glue, cajoling and stern words. You'll keep sewing yourself into who you'll want to be and you'll tell them, sometimes too much, because that's your way and what's needed. You'll find how far you can really fly when you've made wings to carry you and be breathless from your accomplishments. Besides your words, you'll give something made from your hands.

Here is what they'll do. Form a community of tealight hearths and stories high bonfires. They'll whisper their stories, spirials of success and failure. You'll learn from each other, make each other laugh, piss each other off. You'll get things done together and alone. You'll be afraid together, so knees up.

Here's how it will work:

There's a prize. Of course there's a prize. I will do a random drawing and whoever wins can chose one item from my shop and I will ship it anywhere in the world for free. The Drawing will take place on Valentine's Day.

I will put everyone's name in a hat and have Jow chose a name from the hat. If you are a fiber freak (yarn, Dream Ambassadors, felted soap), I will even hand dye that item in the color of your choice.

You get one entry when:

* You add the "New Year, New You" button to your blog

* You blog about the "New Year, New You" experiment to spread the word about it

* You blog in response to any of my "New Year, New You" prompts (one entry each time you do so!)

* You blog about your own "New Year, New You" experiment (one entry each time you do so!). You are captain of your own ship, if you're ass deep in your own experiments in making yourself stronger, faster, braver and more magical, that certainly counts.

You must leave me a comment with the appropriate link so that I know you have done these things.

Last Sale Day at La Sirene et Le Corbeau!

2011-12-05T12:07:00.001-05:00

Thanks to all of you Charmers for buying things at my sale so far! Besides the terrariums, Dream Ambassadors, hand poured beeswax candles and handspun hand dyed yarn, I also offer an array of oils full of magic-y goodness:

Aurora's Mojo Hand Feeding Oil (Hand Infused Apothecary Style Oil)
Using a blend of dried herbs that include ginger and boneset this oil works to promote the prosperity, protection, attractiveness, luck and courage aspects of your mojo hand's spirit as well as working as an offering to the spirit as well with tobacco and rum. This oil is made with a high quality carrier oil and comes in a five milliliter amber glass bottle and is sealed with a cork and red beeswax. It has been made and consecrated using traditional methods.

This oil can be used on pulse points but can also be used for spiritual purposes such dressing candles, dressing mojo bags, dream pillows and poppets.

Rowan's Rose Love Drawing Oil (Hand Infused Apothecary Style Oil)
Using a blend of dried herbs that include rose and damiana to promote drawing a potential partner to you and increasing your attractiveness to prospective partners or your currrent partner(s), this oil is made with a high quality carrier oil and comes in a five milliliter amber glass bottle and is sealed with a cork and red beeswax. It has been made and consecrated using traditional methods.

This oil can be used on pulse points but can also be used for spiritual purposes such dressing candles, dressing mojo bags, dream pillows and poppets.

Britania's Basil Money Drawing Oil (Hand Infused Apothecary Style Oil)
Using a blend of dried herbs that include irish moss, honey, basil and cinnamon to promote drawing money and prosperity to you, this oil is made with a high quality carrier oil and comes in a five milliliter amber glass bottle and is sealed with a cork and red beeswax. It has been made and consecrated using traditional methods.

This oil can be used on pulse points but can also be used for spiritual purposes such dressing candles, dressing mojo bags, dream pillows and poppets.
High John the Conqueror Oil (Hand Infused Apothecary Style Oil)Using an olive oil carrier oil, this oil is infused with High John root for bringing success to your endeavors. It has been made and consecrated using traditional methods.

This oil can be used on pulse points but can also be used for spiritual purposes such dressing candles, dressing mojo bags, high john root, dream pillows and poppets.

Lucy's Lavender Healing Oil (Hand Infused Apothecary Style Oil)
Using a blend of dried herbs that include lavender and agrimony to promote healing for chronic conditions such as lupus, fibromyalgia, depression, insomnia and anxiety, this oil is made with a high quality carrier oil and comes in a five milliliter amber glass bottle and is sealed with a cork and red beeswax. It has been made and consecrated using traditional methods. I use a mortar and pestle to cold press the herbs by hand.

This oil can be used on pulse points but can also be used for spiritual purposes such dressing candles, dressing mojo bags, dream pillows and poppets.

Until 11:59p tonight, get 15% off at La Sirene et Le Corbeau with the code CYBERMONDAY.

Sale at My Shop!

2011-12-03T19:18:00.001-05:00

From now until 11:59p Monday, get 15% off at La Sirene et Le Corbeau with the code CYBERMONDAY. All orders shipped on Tuesday!

Tiny terrariums, luxe soft hand spun hand dyed yarn, handpoured beeswax candles, Dream Ambassadors and Apothecary oils! Spread the word. ♥

[Pagan Agony Auntie] Still Moar on Honey Pots

2011-11-29T12:20:00.001-05:00

If you have a burning question that you want my input on, feel free to drop me a line at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com and I will keep you anonymous and dazzle you with my insight or not. Whatev. As always, you're the captain of your own ship and feel free to disagree with me as often and loudly as you like!

Sorry, Reader, I know I'm super late getting back to you and I think you may have figured the answer out on your own but in case you want more input and/or anyone else wants to know, a Reader asks:

O hai, just wondering about the flexibility of the honey jar technique. I'm thinking of using it as a love-attracting element, rather than money-attracting or specific-person-sweetening element, with a change up in colors and herbs. Does this sound like a good or bad idea, given that you have way more experience and knowledge with this technique?

It's not a bad idea at all. Honey jars are more of a slow and steady process so I can imagine that if you have a less specific target, it might be a longer process than just saying I want Person X to love me. But depending on your own personal moral compass, not asking for a specific person to love you may have less moral ramifications. Generally speaking, this is how I do my money honey jar work, I ask to make money from specific streams (writing, etc.) versus I want to be in X anthology. Sometimes I will do the prayer/candle work over the honey jar before a specific event such as a craft show to assist me that way. I would think the same would be true with your love-drawing honey jar, you could do your candle work before going some place that you might meet a suitable partner (club, bar, con, poetry reading, what have you).

The real trick to honey jars is to remember that you are creating a spirit fetch essentially and if you forget to feed him or her regularly through prayer and candle work, there's no delicate way to put this, you're not only making it so that it's going to be too weak to work for you, you're killing it like a houseplant/goldfish also. If you are done with your honey jar, you need to ritually decommission it like I outlined here.

Think about what characteristics you want to draw to you and put them in your petition paper. Be sure to roll the paper towards you. You can't go wrong with adding dried roses to attract love, dried lavender to attract aspects of a long term partner and a bit of ginger powder to make things go faster/get a good attraction. Pink or white candles would be good to use and you can make or buy a love oil or you could use rose oil.

Happy hunting!

Terrariums: Where My Crazy Is Currently Residing

2011-11-27T14:51:00.001-05:00

Shiny!

So. My adventures in building terrariums isn't maaaagic per se except for a few points:

a. I stained the benches that they reside on in the house with a door open and the fan going which was strictly forbodden by Jow but everyone else gets to make flying ointments and blow glass in their houses why can't I? The cats and I enjoyed ourselves immensely for a good hour or two with that.

b. They will live in the Work Room where our magical practice will be taking place.

c. I am having an ongoing "discussion" with Jow about how these could honestly be nature spirit homes/altars. He gets all blah blah blah you need to have corresponding herbs and other stuff which . . .is not necessarily true per se in my opinion. 1. Besides what the animal actually eats, in my experience at least there's not a huge herbal corresponding overlap. and 2. Sometimes, people need to not be lazy slags and do their own work imo. I would see these altars as "blanks" with all the neat shiny components all set up inside them for *you* to do all that worship work. Sometimes people need to do their own fucking spiritual work imo and not expect everything already set for them. 3. While New Jersey is not known for it's huge fairy tale mushrooms (which I sculpted) and its glittering trees, the fox seems perfectly happy to me. Sometimes we need to use our imaginations some and allow for some artistic merit here. 4. He's never done Shaman work and freestyle breaks his delicate Hermetic brain, so . . . whatever.

Anyway. Here are more pics of Mr. Fox's habitat as well as Madam Bird's habitat for you to enjoy. Should you want one of your very own, email me with your little heart's desires and budget and we'll work it out.

I Long for Lazy Days of the Summertime: Must Be the Season of the Witch

2011-11-22T15:16:00.001-05:00

I feel ya Becky. All of Great Hestia's Xanax won't wash this
blood clean from my hand.

Things I should be doing:

1. Figuring out what to wear for Thanksgiving/hounding my mother to make sure there's enough wine to get through this hellish event.

2. Reminding myself how to brine the turkey.

3. Making more crafts to peddle.

4. Starting holiday shopping and crafting.

5. Cleaning my house which is a disgusting mess.

6. Starting Etsy exclusive occulty/pagantastic crafts to be sold and received before Yule.

7. Writing a smutty short story for an anthology with a rapidly approaching deadline.

Things I've actually done:

1. Got a better price on my soap related materials

2. Made my ~~Xmas~~ List of Demands

3. Made sure to fill out all my med related paperwork/obtain actual meds

4. Other Adult Paperwork Drudgery

5. Gotten dressed today (. . .yay?)

6. Made Thanksgiving shopping list

7. Will be baby sitting this evening for cash.

8. Realized with Jow that the thrift stores around here would require a v. intensive time investment and that we should realize who we are - middle class americans with aspirations of being French-Like (French-Lite?). We did manage to get a lovely little offering dish and offering chalice in our thrifting adventures as well as a little flower sculpture like my grandma used to collect for the ancestors altar. Oh! And this awesome framed hanging sculpture of a door knob with a lock and a key. Luckily for the rest though, there's no shortage of stores more than happy to cater to our aspirations. We got all four of these for our elemental vessels and this candelabra for our offerings of light. We're leaning towards this table for our altar which would mean we would need to use this chalk for any writing we need to do on it.

9. And of course I wander, even from just writing this but you have to understand, Jow and I deciding to work together magically has been a work in progress. We found that our Model UN discussions go better over afternoon tea at a restaurant because then we can't flip tables or get into shouting matches and there's no sharp objects. We have to laugh because generally speaking we get along nauseatingly well, we hardly ever fight but when it comes down to doing magic together I swear to the gods that it's like always two seconds away from someone getting stabbed in hand. So you have to understand for us to even plot out what to buy /an outline of our rites together is like a peace treaty between two quarrelsome neighboring nations. But we've been working hard and I just emailed him the last piece of the puzzle and if he approves it we have our whole outline done. We've even agreed on our first bit of magic we'll be doing. It's something that will be special to us but it's not, like, a revolutionary structure or anything (I don't think), it's just cobbling together stuff that we agree on. We will be calling it bonne magie because it's french and made up and pretentious.

10. Spending a ridiculous time plotting my terrariums. You have to understand that artistic terrariums are like tiny worlds onto themselves that you get to reign over as god/dess king/queen. So if you're a complete psycho control freak like myself and are crispy fried to the point that you are hiding from literally everyone and everything and need a place to put your crazy, spending an unseemly amount of time on plotting the most minute detail of these little worlds is a good way to decompress. If you would like to meander down my path of control freakiness, here is a good start. Even better I can totes justify this because (a) it's going to be an integral part of building our Work room and (b) I've already gotten a commission request, just by blabbing about it on Facebook. Justified.

Dream Ambassadors/Jow's Book Destash Jamboree

2011-11-14T13:00:00.001-05:00

Tiny Sheep to Help You Sleep!

Firstly, thanks to all you Charmers who were kind enough to help us by buying some of Jow's precious books. You all get 500 xp points towards your next incarnation! We're shipping out the 30something we've sold so far today (. . .that's going to be fun trip to the post office) and have like 90 books to go! So if you're sad about not having more books to clog your house up with and/or would like to get something for that hard to shop for occultist/gamer on your holiday list, there's still lots to chose from at the lowest prices on Amazon!

Speaking of impulse buying, I've finally had a moment to add some of my Dream Ambassadors to my Etsy shop. I honestly sell these little guys as fast as I can make them at craft shows and I have two coming this weekend so if you want one, now's the time.

Dream Ambassadors are tiny sheep to help you sleep! As ambassadors from Lambieland, their job is to help people of all ages get a good night's sleep.

Each sheep is hand needle felted and hand sculpted so please allow slight differences in size, fleece coat, shape and facial features. Also allow for coloration differences as your monitor may show slightly different colors than the way your Dream Ambassador looks in person. Each Dream Ambassador is approximately 8 inches in diameter and 5 inches long. Felting is an intensive process and each Dream Ambassador takes several hours to complete.

If you would like your Dream Ambassador to be scented with lavender essential oil, please note that in your order instructions. Because of the small parts, Dream Ambassadors are not recommended for very small children to play with.

[Recipe Monday] Cauliflower Spinach Bake

2011-11-14T05:00:00.000-05:00

Think I'm Fancy

2011-11-11T05:19:00.000-05:00

Hecate thinks She's fancy too. (Sleep No More)

All of this cleaning that we've been doing isn't just Squirrel prep though. After two years of living here and a few incarnations, we decided we wanted to make Spare Oom into a Work/work room due to falling in love with the Witches' Hut from Sleep No More (I got to see it the second time I went! Also it's going to be on GossipGirl this week!) and Jow having some kind of revelation that it's okay to basically make shit up for rituals that I'm not going to question v. deeply as it's in my best interest not to.

We got witchy stuff for a circle a while ago but . . .we only circled together once or twice and most of the stuff had fallen in disarray. We decided to keep our respective athames, the chalice and the plate . . .and that's about it. So we need new circle stuff. We like the idea of fancy French things so why not incorporate that into practice? I read a trashy YA fiction book that had a system called bonne magie which basically morphed trad Wicca with French/New Orleans. I'm chaotic/Hollow One enough to be like, godsdamnit, if I want my practice to look and feel like a Florence + the Machine video and it works that's my business. So we bought Village Witch because I loves Cassandra Latham- Jones with a love that's pure and true like for Chunky Chaat and allegedly the fiction book too (science.). We need a new altar cloth, a working altar to use and directional items mostly likely. And candelabras and tea cups. For science. We're going to purchase some Bee Propolis Resin for our rits and use champagne or St. Germain for our "ale" and madelines and brioche for our cakes. We decided how we would do our god work and that we'd observe the Wheel as well as possibly new moons/full moons and some of the magic we want to accomplish. We got French Cartomancy for divination. Figuring out what to wear was a bit of a trial because we want it to have a glam Sleep No More/F+tM feel but we also didn't want a, Ooooooooh look at you! Playing dressssssss up in your little room together! feel either. We figured that out as well. We'll see how it works! Everyone else gets to make everything else up/glom together things that make sense to them, why can't we? That's what we've taken away from going back to Mass. You're welcome.

Our eventual goal is to put real wood flooring in there so we can draw things on it more effectively. We're going to keep the bookcase in there but it will be magical books only and crafting supplies (it has to live somewhere) and we're going to keep the desk. I have my focus board up, Jow needs to get his up. We still need to get Sarah's print framed and hung up. We're going to be eventually getting rid of the Ikea bookcases in the dining room and upgrading to this book case (mmm, books AND booze!) and getting rid of the bar cart which means the Skull Head Island altar will likely be relocated and I'll have to figure out . . .something to do with Eris' altar as she's fussy and doesn't like to share and also resides at the top of a book case. Perhaps they will each get a top shelf on the new book case to lord over everyone from. We also want drying racks to hang herbs from in Spare Oom. Mmmm, we get happy just thinking about how awesome it's going to look. Especially since we suffer from terrible, terrible altar envy (I'm looking at you, Sarah, Ms. Dirty and Joe). We decided to stop crying and whining and being slags and just do it.

To not being slags! Cheers, darlings!

Housekeeping. Not a Euphemism.

2011-11-10T16:23:00.001-05:00

You live in a condo. Get a deposit box like everyone else.

Before we get too deep in, Massive Occult Book Destash including rare books (and RPG books). Everything is priced to move and the lowest on Amazon. Almost 100 books up for sale.

Okay. So, being a suburban creature, my idea of the wheel of the year is sort of different than people with a closer connection to the land.

Samhain - Everyone's a sad panda. It's going to get cold soon so stop fucking around and make sure your house is ready for winter.

Yule - Too. Much. Family. No. Money.

Imbolc - If there's any more winter I'm going to stab someone in the face.

Spring Equinox - Mud everywhere. Time to get the house back in order again. If I'm going to do a container garden, time to get moving.

Beltane - Yay! Drink wine in a field somewhere! Flirt with everyone.

Midsummer - Contemplate life transition. In my grove for whatever reason, chicks tend to make their maiden-to-mother transition there, unplanned. Happened to me, happened to a friend. Just pop.

Lammas - Amazons 'n sacrifice contemplation.

Fall Equinox - Mmmmm, cider and cider donuts and cardis.

So, even though I have what can be considered a vague grasp on the Wheel at best, the house has been a complete disaster from all the crafting and it's started to affect me. Admittedly, I haven't been really magically cleansing since August due to a couple of different life events that produced negative energy and then I was so busy interviewing and securing more hours and working on my craft business as well as working on eating/exercise changes, so it's just been accumulating. But while I sacrificed my mani that I spent an hour on the night before (sigh.), I scrubbed our house clean. All the gross corners that you try to pretend don't exist. The microwave. The fridge. Dusting altars. Doing the gods dishes. Scrubbing like crazy. We got some new bedding for the winter so that needed to be put together and I got new clothes and socks and such so old stuff needed to be cleaned out to make room for the new.

With that in mind, I figured since getting Jow to destash his books was an uphill battle at best, I figured I would help. I had some extra time off this week and I was in good spirits because I just got asked to read one of my anthology stories at KGB and Tristan Taormino would likely be running the event, all of which is a BFD. So I told him to give me his books and I would list them on Amazon for him. Oh Charmers. I have no idea how Jow managed to hide like three huge rubbermaid tubs strategically throughout the condo. I mean, it's impressive. It was organized and everything but I had no idea there was that much. So I spent the day slogging through putting them all up on Amazon and putting together donate piles. I also went through my stuff, mostly to donate as my tastes don't tend to appreciate in value. By the time I finished I had two v. full rubbermaid tubs to donate and two full rubbermaid tubs to sell. Lest you feel too sorry for him: (a) these are books he hasn't read or touched in well over a year and (b) he owns a Nook for gods' sake, the agreement was for him to destash to pay for the Nook. But happily that will mean four rubbermaid tubs worth of books out of the condo and a big garbage bag full of clothes to donate. I suppose it's better than an ex who would say that he recycled cardboard and empty bottles/cans and instead would strategically hide that throughout the house.

But energetically, our place was a pit. So after church this morning ( . . .don't even ask) and a full diner breakfast of goodness, we cleaned out the bedroom and then started magically cleansing the house. I realize in my article on the matter, I didn't really address what happens if you're a slag for too long and "regular" cleansing isn't sufficient to de-gunk your house. Welp. In addition to your usual Cleaning, I suggest adding offerings to the land spirits and a strong incense (mine had cedar tips, gum arabic, mugwort, hawthorne berries and frankincense) on top of the other stuff I've talked about in my article. So you sort of start out going, hey buddy, time for you to get on gettin' on to closing time is an hour to you don't have to go home but you can't stay here to time to go. Now. If you find you still have problems, then you'd need to move onto Pallas Renatus's GTFO potion because you've got yourself a srs problem. Luckily we didn't need to take it to that level, the very thorough cleaning and Cleaning seemed to do the trick. It feels really nice to feel the flow of energy, well, flowing.

Cussin' for College: Your Moral Compass

2011-11-08T05:00:00.001-05:00

You're Thirteen Now! These Margaritas Are for You, Becky!

So, thanks to ~~that book~~ Mastering Witchcraft that everyone else including Jow seems to have read at a formative age but me (I was reading Spiral Dance and um Bridget Jones' Diary and here we are), everyone's talking about morals and looooooove philters which is totes exciting for me because while I have not read the book and am incredibly unlikely to, I have opinions about morality! I've even had articles published on the subject matter! Thanks, blogosphere! I'm socially relevant again, snowflake queens! So, there's a story I've been meaning to tell you all that had both my Platonic Euro Husband (PEH) and Husband-to-Be laughing and telling me that I'm like the liberal parent who lets their kids drink in the house because it's better than on the streets! Remember a while back how I foolishly agreed to teach Hoodoo 101 to the kids in the Pagan club at my alma mater? And how I, like, promised the president that there would be absolutely no discussion on curse work whatsoever?

About that. So I'm droning about the history of Hoodoo and the differences between Hoodoo and Voodou and how it came to our country and frankly even boring myself as the kids all were visibly twitching to have to listen to me and not text or be boning each other out while their roommates watch rolling on E pills or whatever they're doing now but we all brighten up when I get to the practical applications that I carefully redacted to be both appropriate to college kids' needs and not discussing The Dark Arts. We chatter about fast luck and how to do well in an interview blah de blahblah. They get interested and ask about source books. Of course I recommend cat yronwode's seminal work, but there's not like a redacted version of it so I say vaguely that it's not all positive work so keep that in mind and keep it moving. Much like my lazy fat house cats they went from only vaguely aware of their surroundings to HIGH ALERT! BUG! BUG! IT'S A BUG!

Them: What do you mean?
The President: (suspious side eye)
Me: Um.
Them: No, we're totes awake now and ready and willing to push back our E pill orgy and pizza dorm room party for this.
Me: The President and I spoke on this issue and it's specifically against your club's charter for me to discuss this.
The President: (approving to me, apologetic to them)
Them: You have said the words we have longed to hear! Forbidden knowledge! It's why we came to college! That and getting away from our smothering parents! (closes the door and shuts the blinds like a real sekrit society does!)
Me: (oh Lordess, I'm boned) (looks to The President)
The President: (nods)

I had a real moral quandary that I thought I had shielded myself from - do I tell them or do I let them learn about it on ~~the streets~~ the internet where the information will be just that - information coming from a source they've never met and has no stake in their lives or even a face to them? They are adults but they're still young and impressionable in American society and frankly have probably hereto forth never even read a book yet that even whispers about The Dark Arts, it's most likely been mostly beginner Llewellyn stuff.

I took a deep breath and I dove in:

Okay. This is where your moral compass that we keep talking about becomes incredibly important. Karma doesn't work the way that most Americans think of it; it's slow, it's accumulated over lifetimes and it represents both the good and the bad. And while the Law of Three is a nice idea that's meant to keep you from getting involved in some seriously dumb shit, it doesn't work in a way that's observable, if it works at all. I can't tell you what the right thing to do is going to be for you. We don't have a manual or a list of rules to follow as Pagans like a lot of religions do. As young adult Pagans it's critical that you start figuring out what you think is right and wrong now. What are you willing to do magically and in life? Where is your line in the sand that goes too far? Whenever you work magic, you're thrusting your will over something. Do you need consent for you to do magic for another person? You need to decide that. You need to decide if you want to get involved with exerting your will over other people specifically. A mentor of mine once told me that some of the worst things she's done magically have been with good intentions and some of the best things she's done have been with bad intentions.

You also need to understand that in Hoodoo curse work is called a mess for a reason. Do not get yourself into a mess that you can't get yourself out of because I'm sure as hell not going to rush in to help you. Don't ever rush into curse work. If you're angry and not being sensible, it's not a good place to do curse work, you will likely do something you regret. Always give it at least three days to see if you want to tie yourself up further with the person you're angry with because make no mistake about it, you will be tying yourself up closer with this person. Sometimes it will be worth it. Sometimes it won't be. Sometimes your magic will work in a way you won't expect it to. Oftentimes it will in fact. Sometimes it will work better than you wanted it to. Love spells are all fun and games until you need to get a restraining order on someone. You need to think about if you want someone to be with you because they feel compelled to be. You need to make sure to do omen/divination work before you get involved with cursing. Bottle spells can work like this. Love spells can work like that. Make sure you are mindful about your personal concerns. Make sure you are mindful about others' personal concerns that may behoove you to have. When I once asked a Witch what to do if you don't have them, she calmly remarked, 'But why wouldn't you?' If you're not willing to do what a curse work asks, you're likely not really ready to take that step. And that's okay. It's okay if you never work a curse in your life. But make sure you know if someone's been working you.

And . . .that's where I stand on the whole morality issue. It's personal. That's part of what's both great and terrible about being part of a group of people who don't have a list of specific rules to govern us, some of us are on board with things like love philters and some of us are appalled by it. Some of us say, well, it depends. But you need to know where you stand, you need to know where your conscious is and only you can really dictate that for yourself as an Occultist/Pagan. It's thrilling, scary and uncertain for us, like Death.

you know I live in a world full of hope
not a world full of hype
I ain't no saint
I help myself to what I need
but I help other people too
y'know I sleep soundly- Ani Difranco

[Recipe Monday] Chicken Curry

2011-11-08T05:00:00.000-05:00

Lucky for everyone I'm exhausted and dodging the last bit of crafting madness before tomorrow and I'm covered in wool fiber and smell like a wet sheep along with an assortment of essential oils. Yes! It's totally as awesome as it sounds.

So here is a recipe I've made because it's cheap and doesn't require much work. Also, I've discovered that orzo is an awesome substitute for rice because it only takes 8 minutes to make, you can't fuck it up (unlike rice) and it's the same size and tastes close enough for me. Jow is a princess and won't eat instant rice and rice is something I consistently fuck up so this has been our compromise. Also rice takes way too long. Way too long. This can be described as "Indian-ish" at best.

Chicken Curry
1 packet of chicken thighs (remove skin)
1 can of tomato paste
1 tablespoon fresh ginger (or powder, I don't care)
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 medium onion, chopped
1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed
1 tablespoon curry
1 tablespoon chunky chaat
2 tablespoons butter or ghee
Splash of lemon juice
1 cup non fat greek yogurt
1/2 box orzo cooked according to box directions and drained
Salt and pepper to taste

Dump everything in the crockpot except the yogurt and the orzo. Cook on low for 6 hours. Fish out the bones if you like your guests or housemates. Add the yogurt and stir. Add the orzo and stir. Fin!

Food That Sucks

2011-11-06T18:52:00.002-05:00

I introduce to you my nemesis - Eggs

I realize my last post was pretty serious and revealing. I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond, thank you. But with that, I'm ready for a lighter subject for now.

My sister is an awesome baker but she's still in-training as a cook. I'm the opposite way, a much better cook than baker which is about par for the course in an Italian fam, it makes it so we can make a nice full dinner together. She can alter baking recipes with panache which is impressive because it's much harder to alter a baking recipe than a cooking recipe due to the science aspect of it. At my vampire Halloween dinner party (yes.) she was sorrowfully remarking that she didn't think she'd ever be a good cook because she fucks up pancakes. A bunch of people (myself included) chimed in that pancakes are deceptively difficult to make and to do silver dollar sized until she got better at it. It took me years to make full sized pancakes. Meatballs were tricksy too.

But however experienced or inexperienced you may be as a cook, everyone has a few things that elude them no matter how hard they try.

Mine are:

* Lentils
* Frying anything like chicken pieces or chicken fried steak
* Eggs (I can soft boil with the best of them but hard boiling is not good, scrambling is okay, sunny side up is mostly a lost cause, omelets are a lost cause and I've never made a frittata or quiche I really wanted to eat)
* Baking anything that is more complicated than a box mix (exception: Madelines)

What are yours?

You Spend Half Your Life Trying to Turn the Other Half Around: More on Core Life Priorities

2011-11-03T18:57:00.001-04:00

Note: This may be triggering for people with food issues.

I wanted to write a light hearted follow up to my Core Life Priorities entry about getting my shit together but given the season, like it or not, I'm in a pretty somber mood. Jezebel just posted about where my struggle is.

I'm a geek girl and I live with an eating disorder. It was easy for me to be thin until college and I was always a (thin) girlie girl geek who was a geek in her own right - fandoms, the ability to run WW RPG, top of the heap.

Well, when I started freaking out in college about a lot of things, one of things I decided to take control of was my body. So I stopped eating very much. My hair started falling out, people told me that I didn't *really* have an eating disorder because I wasn't skeletal, even though I was dropping a lot of weight fast (one "friend" said most girls would envy me). When I flatly told my mother that it was therapy or tossing myself out my dorm room window, I started therapy.

People forget the eating disorder because I never fit the stereotype in their heads. But really I spent my twenties channeling it into Weight Watchers where I could obsess over what I ate (in a socially acceptable way) and figure out how to cheat the system and weigh myself like a million times a day. All I learned from WW really was that it was better to do three shots of tequila (6 points) verses three beers (9 points). Awesomesauce!

I really only have two modes - "on" (eating reasonably healthy food mostly but too much of it like The Hungry Caterpillar) and "off" (not eating, not taking my meds). "Off" is a dangerous scary place . . .because what no one tells you about not eating is that it feels awesome. It really does, you're high as a kite and nothing bothers you because you're not super lucid and you start getting lots of dumb thoughts like, Hey! This is awesome! Food is gross! If I keep doing this I'll be thin and everything in my life will be magically perfect because I made my body perfect! I make light of this somewhat when talking about this because it's what geek girls do best to talk about scary things and say, and then I remember that eating is a basic bodily function and failure to do that means you're failing at being human, like when you choke on your own spit.

Despite knowing better, I apparently generally need to take a trip to "off" about once a month, once every other month. I take a deep breath and I make myself eat something and take my pills. Generally I can talk myself down by some point in the evening although I'm honest with Jow when I am having an "off" day and he suggests things I will be willing to ingest like a banana or a glass of juice and then my thoughts get more rational and I go back to normal life.

I've really worked hard to love myself just the way I am weight wise by investing time into learning how to dress my body, do my hair, do my nails, makeup and accessorize because before it felt like I was punishing myself for being fat by only dressing in sweats and a ponytail.

The whole food "thing" is kind of my white whale. And it rules me more than anything else does in life. Either I'm spending a lot of energy ignoring it or half assedly addressing it but either way it still runs me. And I don't think that people understand that people with a food "thing" have a really hard time because you can't not eat. It's sort of like saying, hey just be cool and get a recreational smack habit, what's the big deal? Most people can't just casually shoot up H without getting an addiction. But you can live without drugs, smoking, drinking and all that but you can't live without food.

Earlier this week, coincidentally, I decided I wanted to catch the fucking whale already. For me that means that I am limiting my portions, drinking lots of water, eating more fruit and veggies and going to the gym a few times a week. And it's been awful. It feels like having a gnawing tiny beast inside you, constantly nibbling at your organs and complaining loudly and constantly about how everything you're doing is against your own best interest.

For me, that's not even the worst part though. I know I can do anything I set my mind to and accomplish any goal I want to accomplish and that's what scares the shit out of me, hands down every time. Because if I start accomplishing this goal, that means success and that means massive meltdown for me. I have a weird thing where it totally derails me when people tell me how good I look once I've lost weight. It does all sorts of fucked up conflicted things to my head and then I start self sabotaging and it gets into a big terrible cycle of suck. I'm trying to breathe through the fact that people will give me positive reinforcement for conforming more to society's standard and accept that it's going to shake up my ant farm like whoa. But I feel like if I can do this thing, then I can do anything. And if I can do anything, then I'm unstoppable.

Being unstoppable means getting in touch with my core life priorities. It means pushing through this fucking Christmas season for my crafting business. It means getting back in touch with my spirituality. It means writing the damn book and getting it published. It means taking care of myself. It means loving myself. It means I need to stop being afraid of success. I get closer and closer every year to who I want to be - starting my own business, not having to work for The Man, better relationships with my loved ones, a clearer understanding of my spirituality, stronger belief in my capability both as a Witch and as a functioning adult, living (and marrying) the man I love who also happens to be a functioning adult, owning my own hearth. But there's still a few things that evade me (the food "thing" and writing a book most notably). So I'm starting here. With my white whale.

Unstoppable.

[Guest Recipe Monday] Cranberry Curd

2011-10-31T05:00:00.000-04:00

So, as a Pagan (and a broke-ass Pagan, at that), I have abit of a Thing for Local Food. I don’tget bend out of shape around nonperishable stuff like sugar or flour (meaningthat, while I typically hope my wheat flour is coming from Saskatchewan, I don’thave Issues about using cane-based sugar from Cuba instead of maple syrup orhoney or even beet-based sugar from Canada. I figure if it takes a month to get here by boat, that’s okay). It does, however, mean that I’m currentlytrying to figure out ways to eliminate lemon juice from my cooking.

Weird, I know, but bear with me.

I use a lot of different vinegars (pear cider vinegar is agorgeously mild and aromatic one, for example) and throw mustard and garlic intoa lot of wintery dishes where someone else might be inclined to use a couple ofhot peppers for heat or sharpness.

To that end, and because I’ve been going gaga over preservesfor the last few months, I tried making cranberry curd.

Now, anyone who’s got Nigella Lawson’s How to Be a Domestic Goddess cook book has come across this recipe,or something pretty damn similar. Iganked a recipe off the internet and then futzed with it until I got somethingthat would work.

Cranberry Curd

¾ lb cranberries + 1Cwater, combined in a pot and boiled until mushy

Run the above through a food-processor or a blender until itforms a smooth puree

Return cranberry mixture to the pot and add:

¼ C butter

¾ C sugar

Stir together over very low heat

Beat 3 eggstogether with ¼ C sugar untilsuper-smooth

Add it to the cranberry mixture and then allow to thickenover medium heat until it is good and thick and coats the back of a spoonnicely. (I don’t think it hurts to letit boil, but it definitely works well if you DON’T let it boil. So… stick with what works?)

Pour the mixture into sterilized jars, then process in aboiling water bath.

Makes 3-4 cups ofcurd, all told.

You can, as indicated above, preserve this stuff the sameway you would do for jam or pickles. However you can also use it in place of lemon curd immediately as a topping for scones or a delicious addition to acoffee cake or what-have-you.

I have to admit, I basically have to bake it into things inorder to keep myself from just eating it with a spoon. But that’s me.

Enjoy!

TTFN,

Meliad / Ms Syren

What Are Your Core Life Priorities?

2011-10-28T15:00:00.003-04:00

This is a question I'm generally v. on point with. Thorn tweeted it today and when I looked at her blog yesterday, she wrote (along with Penelope to some extent) about being over extended which Jow pointedly emailed me this morning about.

I'm not v. on point with it today. I've been working a lot of overtime, interviewing like crazy and I've been doing a lot of craft shows. (I've learned that Mojo bag oils and High John oil scare people at craft shows but the other oils sell pretty well. I sold the most oils at a church show funnily. I also started getting scouted for other shows at my last show and I rolled out my Dream Ambassadors which are little felted sheep that can be scented with lavender oil to help you sleep, all but one sold at my first showing of them) I got cleaned out at my last show and now have less than two weeks to spin straw into gold and restock for my next show. I have been too exhausted this week to do anything but order supplies due to the overtime and waking up super early and working super late. The getting up super early has been causing random strange existential crisises for me. I've also been clocking in time with friends who are having problems and spending time with my family and a little baby sitting for my nephew. Generally Jow and I have Mondays together to spend the day together but this week I was working. I'm having a vampire themed dinner party tonight and the house is still in disarray and I need to cook the dinner for the dinner party.

I'm totes crispy fried to the point that I need to make lists to get anything done because otherwise I frankly have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing and things that are important are falling through the cranks. I don't know what day it is really and I feel like a lot of my core priorities are slipping to the wayside in my Ferengi overzealousness to make enough money to finish paying off my debt and to save money for our wedding as well as having that crazy thing they call a savings account.

I used to live like this all the time. Have you ever seen The Rachel Zoe Project? When I get out of sync with my core priorities, she's pretty much exactly the way I am (except substitute "forget to eat" for "over eat"). I mean, massive credit to her for being so successful and doing what she loves and being so hardcore, but it's not the life I genuinely want to lead. I don't like the way I am when I'm too bogged down in the material and I start to feel empty (which i try to fill up with the material) and also I get a certain sharpness to me. Not the playful occasional cattiness, but a certain sharp cruelty and hardness that I don't like about myself. When I'm like that, I rarely do magic. While the material and the spiritual are not at odds per se, if you get too pre-occupied with one and not the other, you're imbalanced and it's hard to fully function I find.

(A sudden revelation: In Neo-Pagan Shamanism, it's often talked about that you need to be able to walk between the worlds. I always thought that's why I sucked with being a shaman - because I'm somewhat of a cement head and wasn't always having these big astral adventures like the Wasband but I think my real balancing of worlds is to balance my spiritual self [which is as much internal as it is external] and the material world which I got better at post-divorce but still sometimes struggle with. I tend to be too much material and not enough spiritual though when I'm losing the battle. Something to marinate on.)

Things that are currently falling to the wayside (which are most of my core life priorities):
Eating well
Exercising (which makes me feel completely disconnected from my physical body, though I've been focusing on my appearance - again, material vs spiritual for me at least)
Magical practice
My version of a meditational practice
Writing (for a while I was strictly doing freelance which is devoid of spirituality for me and I'm being pretty forcibly pushed away from that from my Powers That Be but I haven't been able to get back to writing things that help my spirituality)
Keeping my house in an orderly fashion

Of course, as I'm writing this what am I doing? Procrastinating cleaning for the dinner party and sending emails for wedding related items. Have I gotten dressed or brushed my teeth or taken my pills or eaten anything? Nope.

Sigh. Something has to change. I need to get refocused. I keep hoping it will magically happen but so far not so much. It's hard to get refocused when I feel so crispy fried. I guess I can start to try to have at least one of my core life priorities on my list to do on my daily list. Mostly though it just feels like being a hamster on a never ending wheel.

What are your core life priorities? Are you being mindful or neglectful?

[Recipe Monday] Paprikash Krumpli

2011-10-25T05:00:00.000-04:00

Hey Charmers! I could really use some guest bloggers for Recipe Mondays so email me at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com with a favorite recipe of yours that you make, a strange sounding retro recipe that you have (and where it came from and if you like, thoughts on the book), a picture of the finished product (optional) and what name you would like it credited to and a link to your blog or shop if you like!

Rev. Allyson Szabo has been kind enough to share this delish recipe with us today. Follow her spiritual blog here and her sustainability blog here.

When it's cold out and the rain won't stop, when the pretty leaves have
turned into slippery mush, I turn to the recipes that my Hungarian
grandmother taught me years ago. There are several that I love,
including gulash and paprika chicken, but none sticks to the ribs like a
dish called 'Paprikash Krumpli." In its most basic form, it is a sort of
stew of potatoes and sausage, but it is infinitely changeable, just as
the seasons are.

Like most Hungarian recipes, this is probably not diet friendly,
although it isn't horrific, either. My grandmother would huff and grunt
at me, occasionally yelling in that incomprehensible Hungarian language,
because I refused to use lard in my creations. However, she agreed that
the flavors I ended up with were truly and traditionally Hungarian.

Paprikash Krumpli

* good Hungarian paprika (sweet), about 4 - 5 tablespoons
* 10 good size potatoes, cut in approximately 1" cubes
* 1 lb of sausage of your choice
* several strips of raw bacon, cut into pieces
* 1 large onion, roughly chopped
* 2 tablespoons olive oil
* white mushrooms, quartered (optional)
* spices to taste (salt, pepper, garlic)

In a large stew pot, toss in the bacon and cook until it's done but not
crisp. Add the onions and saute them until they are soft and clear. You
may need the olive oil depending on how much bacon you used and how
fatty it was. Add a tablespoon of paprika and stir well until the onions
are RED. Please note: do not use American paprika, which is largely a
coloring agent and has very little flavor. Hungarian paprika has a
distinct smokey flavor that is essential to this recipe. You can get a
nice tin of good quality paprika at most grocery stores. I use Szekged
brand myself.

Add the sausage and cook until it is ready. I prefer a nice kelbasa
sausage, but I have made it with everything from hot dogs to expensive
andouille sausage. You can even use a mix if you have sausage ends. The
saltier your sausage is, the less other spices you will want to add.

Add your potatoes (you may use a few more or less than 10, but your pot
should be filled to within an inch or so of the top of the pot).
Sprinkle it liberally with another two or more tablespoons of paprika.
Fill the pot with enough water to just barely cover the potatoes, and
bring it to a rapid boil. Reduce the heat, and simmer for 30 minutes.

After the 30 minute mark, you will need to check on your pot more
frequently. Stir often, but don't be afraid of a little sticking on the
bottom of the pot. Just scrape it off and keep stirring until it's
absorbed back into the stew. You should cook this until it is red
throughout, and the potatoes are literally falling apart. If it's too
thick for your taste, you can add a bit of water to thin it out at the
end, but do it in tiny amounts. It's ready when the potatoes have
completely lost their sharp edges and are quite mushy.

My grandmother served this dish up with hot crusty bread and lots of
butter, and a side of cucumber salad (thin sliced cucumbers mixed with
sour cream and salt and pepper, basically). I often dispense with the
cucumbers and add home made pickles or a side salad, but it would do
equally well with a side of corn or peas, or cauliflower with cheese
over it.

The World

2011-10-21T11:35:00.003-04:00

Jason asks about life changing Tarot Card readings in his post. Mine got lengthy, so I'm posting it here.

It wasn't long after my dad had died that my mom, sister and I went to New Orleans. I was 20, a baby Pagan and still sort of at that obnoxious age where I wanted proof of everything (even more than now).

Mom's tolerance of the occult was mellowed by beignets and chicory coffee. I had learned somewhere around that age that she wanted nothing to do with psychics because she had learned how accurate they could be when she and her friends went to see one when she was just a bit older than I am now, he wanted nothing to do with her. Naturally, that made her curious so she pressed him and all he would say was that things would become sad and difficult soon. Shortly after my grandmother passed unexpectedly. Despite this, she pressed a twenty into my hand and told me to go crazy in Jackson Square where all the readers hung out and discreetly took my sister to go watch some street performers.

A private reading without my nosy little sister present by a reader of my choosing! I was heady with freedom. I didn't want to get snookered as my beloved Judge Judy would say so I ruled out anyone reading anything but tarot which I was proficient with at the time though it would be some time before I read professionally. I also wanted someone older who would likely be more experienced. I circled slowly and eventually chose a salty haired gentlemen who identified as Wiccan as I did at the time. He had a kind but professional vibe about him that I liked.

What do people usually ask a tarot reader about? Boys (and girls) in my experience. Sometimes a baby. A job. Feeling generally lost. I was in college and working two jobs already so that was set. No babies, please. I was fighting before I left with my long time boyfriend at the time. We didn't have texting and long distance cell phone calls cost money as did time online. I wanted security and the promise of forever as did half of my contemporaries (the other half smartly knew that wasn't going to be possible for most of us yet and instead wisely spent their time experimenting and sleeping around). So boys and feeling generally lost it was.

I requested a Celtic cross reading as I was very familiar with that spread (no funny business!) and I suspiciously eyed the cards as the poor guy tried to gently tell me that the relationship would likely not work out. Actually, worse. He said the relationship would work as long as I kept making it work (retrospectively, a pattern that would haunt my twenties). Naturally, this was unacceptable. I had already selected Boyfriend as my forever home and planned on riding that pony all the way down to the altar and his compliance and willingness as well as pro-activeness (which 20 year old boys are famous for) were necessary in my equation. I didn't want to get married yet, we needed to finish college. Maybe live together first. That could take at least five years! I already did three! What about my ROI!

"But the last card!" I cried. "It's the World! That's the best card in the deck! How could I get the best card in the deck when all signs point to eventual breaking up!"

"Because when you do, your world will open up," he said simply.

I paid the man and left unsettled. Naturally, we did break up. I was pissed at the time with Boyfriend's Break Up of a Thousand Paper Cuts approach and his mumbled we have nothing in common which was unsatisfactory. But. My world did open up. I saw London, Paris and Rome. I experimented. I got to feel free to get as drunk as I wanted and dance on as many tables as I wanted. I got to figure out who I was as I ran through new partners and new life experiences. I started clubbing and acquiring corsets. I built SalonCon and got published. I got married and divorced. I became a homeowner. The world did indeed open up for me.

As for Boyfriend, well, I always say he's my favorite exboyfriend. He smuggled champagne into my limo at my wedding since I didn't get to drink at all. He talked me through when I volunteered for Katrina clean up with the Red Cross as he was just coming back from Iraq and never made me feel stupid about it. He helped me move into the condo I live in now. He comes to my cocktail parties. He's a good egg. The best egg. But not the egg for me.

Recipe Monday: Pumpkin Curry Soup

2011-10-17T05:00:00.000-04:00

Guest Post Over on Witch Blog!

2011-10-15T23:40:00.000-04:00

Because Death Is Just So Full and I’m Sick of It This Samhain

Every year for the last ten years I have been totally on board for celebrating Samhain full hog with my grove, possibly also with my circle. While Samhain hasn’t always been strictly solemn in both my groups, it tends to have an overlap. I’ve always needed Samhain, when I was doing well and wanted a space to reflect on how I’ve changed and/or what I’ve lost and what I want to focus on for the new year or because I was in the middle of a bone crushing loss and needed to be front row center to let that sorrow laced energy out of my body through whatever means necessary.

I’m in a strange middle place right now. . . Read the rest here

Outsiders: What Like It's Hard or Something?

2011-10-14T13:53:00.000-04:00

In ADF Druidry, there's a whole section in the beginning of the rite on Outsiders which is actually one of the more hotly contested aspects of the ADF ritual between ADF groves, the contested aspects tend to focus on 1. Who are the Outsiders? 2. What should be done with the Outsiders? Some groves think certain gods and attributes should always be Outsiders and Outsiders should be banished. Well, as I've mentioned, my grove has more in common with tent revivalists than with High Episcopagans generally, we take somewhat of a different stance than that.

Our grove generally feels who the Outsiders are depends on the ritual. If you're doing a ritual to the Furies for example, the Olympians are likely to be Outsiders. Eris' Outsiders are going to be different than Hera's Outsiders. We also don't banish as that should (theoretically) be permanent and not for nothing, living in NJ, you need your crunchy shell of cynicism, wariness and snarkiness to get through the day. But. They're not the most helpful aspects to get through a ritual that was basically started by drunk college kids in the 60's who wanted to break Berkley College's administrative brains while invoking gods from cultures that were and are pretty far from America in someone's living room in New Jersey. So we basically ask those aspect and those Gods and ghosts and whatnot who wouldn't be comfortable for the rit to go sit on the porch until the ritual is over and watch the college kids and cars go by until everyone comes and collects their Outsiders after ritual. We also make offerings to the Outsiders as well (generally with a carefully worded, Please accept our offering, not the offerer. . . the Outsiders tend to like to linger with the offerer and will often try to persuade the offerer to go on a fun adventure with them instead of sitting through boring ritual). Sometimes, people attending the rit feel like Outsiders themselves which can be for any reason from it's a pantheon they're not comfortable with, the rit itself isn't where their headspace is at or what is politely referred to as "the weather in your head" (which often is a euphemism for having High Drama with someone(s) in the grove or just life shit that you're going through that has nothing to do with anyone there but puts you in a sour mood) and I can tell you from experience, when the Outsider invocation is made and you feel like an Outsider, it's hard not to follower the offerer outside (I think at the Pagan picnic with the other grove invoking and it being so different than how we do things that when they did the Outsider offering I saw everyone from my grove visibly twitch not to follow but . . .manners).

Where I'm going with all of this is that I think it's very possible to feel like an Outsider even here on our beloved blogosphere. I've spoken in the past about being fretful about not fitting the "kitchen witch" mold closely enough and how sometimes that's hard for me. This year, while I love you all, it's been hard with the never ending High Magic Grimoire Club that has taken root in much of the blogosphere. I dutifully read and I'm happy that it works for y'all but it doesn't do a whole lot for me. As it doesn't do a whole lot for me, it's taken me out of the conversation for the better part of a year. Which is nobody's fault! I'm not casting blame or anything, it's just not where I fit. I mean, I even live with one so I harass him with a never ending stream of questions hoping that something will click at some point which inevitably essentially disintegrates into an exasperated "because that's the way it is, that's why!". We finally got to a place where I got it when he explained that you can't just date High Magic, you have to at least go steady or get engaged and get into a super srs arrangement straight from the gate. Man, I cannot commit to anyone or anything like that, I want to have an awkward first date where I can ask some questions and see you do something charming and cool and then make my decision from there. You can do that with Hoodoo, Wicca, ADF Druidry and even layperson Hinduism.

So I've been marinating a lot about where I fit. I've been thinking a lot about Gordon's post on little magics everywhere which is my jam along with radical practicality. For some reason for a long time I've hesitated to call myself a Chaos mage. Maybe because the first time around, it was this super cool 90's phenomenon that felt super alterna and punky and everyone doing it was way cooler than I was. To me it was like the first Matrix when that was impressive at the time or like Hackers or whatever else that was going on that had only a vague basis in reality but everyone was really excited about it anyway. The two girls I know locally who id as chaos mages are kind of like a modern 2011 version of that which is why I've also hesitated about the label which is super stupid because they're also close friends who I've done magic (awesomely) with and they are super down to earth and awesome with real problems. I guess I felt like I didn't fit the mold there either exactly? So besides the obv revelation that no one perfectly fits any mold, I had another revelation when talking to Jow:

Me: I don't know! I just do stuff! And people seem to relate to it even though I don't feel like I have an orderly manner in doing it and I feel like a toned down version of Penelope Trunk with my apparent pathological need to spew out all my fucked upness and flaws to the internet.

Jow (patiently): But you've been published, you have thousands of people reading your Witchvox articles and sending you emails--

Me: What? Like it's hard or something? Ohmigod! I've got it! I'm the Elle Woods of the occult world!

Jow: Hee! Actually, yes. People underestimated her a lot but she got into Harvard law school and graduated at the top of her class and she has a big heart and she sort of marches to the beat of her own drummer. Even though people at Harvard thought her clothes was crazy, she didn't care, she wore what she wanted anyway. She didn't change herself to fit in.

Me (dreamily): I love her clothes.

But it's funny, I was really thinking about it, much like Elle didn't fit in with stereotypical Harvard students, she still carved a place for herself and did it her way. I'm always going to be a fashion dork which tends to not be the norm with Pagans in my age group locally, I'm going to see and interact with the gods through clothes and music because that's what makes sense for me. I'm never going to want to do much high magic, I'm always going to want to do little magic everywhere and I'm just . . .going to be me and not worry about being whatever enough. I think that's where I struggle in writing my book, I feel like I'm not mommy enough for a kitchen witch book but not alterna enough to take more of a super srs approach. So whatever. I'm just going to write the way I write and do things the way I do things and stop worrying so much.

Bend and snap, bitches.

Scenes From a Pagan Household

2011-10-04T13:45:00.000-04:00

For a lot of reasons, we needed to declutter and clean our house and then cleanse our house. For a lot the same reasons, we plan on doing Scylla's Charm Against the Evil Eye. Generally I do the cleansing aspect with the house as I've previously outlined. Yesterday however I was def feeling fibro-ish from overdoing it at Crucible and the impending fall weather. I also needed to write my lecture on Hoodoo which I would be presenting to my alma mater's Pagan group, which the more I tried to figure out how to explain Hoodoo while both acknowledging it was not a "white light" path per se but only explaining some positive workings was giving me a headache as well as inspiring cold fear remembering The Pagan Picnic . Those things together made it so I was feeling pretty drained and not up to doing magic. Jow had decided to try his hand at doing it on his own, though previously we were going to do it together though that just led to another Model UN squabble.

Him (after finishing it): Well, what do you think?

Me: Well, at first I didn't feel anything but then when you started going room to room with the candle I did.

Him: Awesome. Wow. It feels so much different than when you do it.

Me: Yep.

Him: Almost too strong . . .

Me: Well. You kind of didn't sweep anything outside.

Him: I burned the bothersome things! With fire.

Me: Right. So . . .now there's like . . .the equivalent of a house full of dead bugs. They're not doing anything but they're lying all over the place dead.

Him: Burnt dead bugs.

Me: I'll sweep tomorrow.

Do It All Again: The Post-Crucible Party

2011-10-03T17:53:00.000-04:00

Jow and I skipped Crucible itself and while I too could listen to Jason talk all day and would have liked to have seen RO's lecture and meet Lavanah, and I always learn something new about voodoo from Kenaz, let me be real, it's all about the after party.

I've been friends with the party host (B.) since I was too young to drink and he was just old enough to and he was dating my best friend at the time so needless to say, we've been partying together for about oh almost half our lives along with my best friend A. who while is not maaaaaaaaaaagic per se, she'll put up with it especially if there's good booze and fun to be had. But it's not a Pagan/Occult party unless you have High Drama with at least a quarter of the room which of course I did. So before the party I started text A. about suddenly not knowing what to wear upon hearing the guest list and tried to get things for the party and breakfast at Target but got all socially anxious to the point that I just abandoned my basket in the middle of the hosiery section. I texted her the vital information that (a) I didn't have any boots and couldn't find any (b) I don't know how slutty to dress for this and (c) I had lost my will to live.

People who don't know me or don't me well assume I of course love parties and people and being gregarious because I've worked v. hard both magically and mundanely to present myself that way. The truth of the matter is I'm terribly shy, often grumpy and only really like it when I throw the party or event because then I can hide in the kitchen as much as I like, I can always have an excuse to escape and I can throw everyone out when I'm done with them. A. promptly replied with: (a) Wear your Uggs (b) I'm giving you permission to dress as slutty as you want tonight and (c) get dressed, I don't care. I sighed knowing that I wouldn't be able to whine my way into a night of iCarly and jug wine and didn't put up a fuss. Luckily, A. knowing that I was two seconds away from becoming a non compliant limp toddler, texted H., B.'s gf who was going to be in the suite earlier than expected and we were invited to hang out and pre-game. A. came over and approved my outfit and ordered me to put on my makeup and do my hair and stop whining. Jow asked what "battle perfume" I'd be wearing and A. didn't really know what he meant so I explained that I have both actually magically formulated perfume from places like BPAL and "regular" perfume that I wear to suit my mood and/or how I want to portray myself. She nodded and said she only owned Juicy Couture perfume 'cause that's all she needs. Being Jersey girls, that is a fair statement. We got into the car and I had a moment of complete deja vu especially since we were heading towards Princeton, past my old place and it was the way we'd always take to get to Philly to go goth clubbing and because the hotel was in the development of my old company meaning I could navigate there and back heavily intoxicated no problem.

We got up to the suite and H. and B. were kind enough to let me be bossy and arrange the food and the bar to my liking so I could help bartend. A., Jow and I decided it was then time to induct H. into the Secret Society of Awesome & Alize and then I tasted all of B.'s meads so I could arrange them in order of dryness. Jow and I shared a shot of tequila because it was where we met years ago - I was giving a lecture and he had a crush on me though I didn't know it because he wouldn't speak directly to me (but I like you/ I like you so much/ I talk to everyone but you) and then a few years later we started flirting and I was on a panel of his and it always felt like he was talking only to me. He decided that year to impress me even though he has the liver of a twelve year old girl and everyone told him that going shot for shot with me was a terrible idea because I was The Tequila Queen at the time but he did it anyway and eventually we started dating and then got engaged and now we're to be married.

It was a smaller party this year which meant less physical distraction from High Drama but also meant that my friends had me drinking heroic amounts of pumpkin liquor/vodka and shots of tequila with many cig breaks to provide Other Distraction. I was also promised to be allowed to lie down next to the koi pond with the huge koi with the bottle of pumpkin liquor and serenade the koi with as much Katy Perry as I wanted until we got tossed out if it got too bad. I ran into Jason and RO downstairs during one of those breaks. We deposited Jow so he could geek out there and went to gossip, flirt and drink more pumpkin liquor (which I informed them that they should be doing as well and they laughed and joined us at the party shortly after). We filmed our youtube hello, I made my rounds with A. for a few hours but after a double shot of tequila egged on by B. (who is a terrible influence) at 4a and the room started getting slightly spinning and I had had enough of High Drama, random boys looking down my top (though I didn't mind with a lovely young girl, which reminds me of another Crucible party where I was feeling curmudgeonly as usual but apparently that's attractive to occult girls and so several cute girls spent the party petting my hair) and dick waving that will inevitably happen when you put booze and occultists in a room for enough hours and we headed out where we got to witness several rounds of Young Indian Wedding Guest High Drama which we kind of wanted to get involved with but Jow said no and we made our way home, stopping for the traditional ohmigod o'clock you are too drunk to actually handle sitting in a diner like a civilized person and instead need to go to a 7-11 for a cheeseburger big bite and hope that you can handle money exchanged for goods and services. Then home to take off all your jewelry and shoes but forget about your make up and insist on singing Katy Pery at the top of one's lungs until you are distracted into other pursuits and then sleep fitfully with a bowl next to your bed just in case and then have the mother of all hangovers the next day because no matter how much you may insist intellectually to your body that you can still party like you did when you were 23, your body will have no problem explaining in vicious detail that it has a dissenting opinion and to shut the hell up, thank you.

Still. There's a pounding my head/ Glitter all over the room/ Pink flamingos in the pool/ I smell like a minibar/ Pictures of last night/ Ended up online/ I'm screwed/ Oh well/ It's a black top blur/ But I'm pretty sure it ruled/ This Friday night/ Do it all again/ This Friday night/ Do it all again. . .

Etiquette Lesson: Magic Is Not for Free (Sometimes)

2011-09-28T15:51:00.000-04:00

Maybe because we still, like it or lump it, come out of the hippie movement as Neo-Pagans, there's still this bizarre belief with some people that magic should be free and taking money for magical services is dirty and wrong. Well, that's fine, as long as you think that it's dirty and wrong to pay for doctors visits, lawyers services, handmade goods, herbs, massage, magazines, books, movies, etc. and are currently managing to live completely off the grid in a barter/trade society where you can trade for all your goods and services. All of this, obv, is my opinion.

Unless you are bffs with a srs magical worker or a magical worker yourself, why would a service be free? I mean yes, when I get some queries from WitchVox I will often suggest a small working to assist but that's because (a) I have a soft heart for sad ass stories and (b) I'm also lazy and busy and I can cross post it here and show that I do have a magical thought process when my brain is not pre-occupied with more pressing matters like Dance Moms (which, btdubs, makes Toddlers and Tiaras look like a goddamn afternoon teaparty with stuffed animals and cake) and dodging writing a book. But, small. Basically here's the distinction to me between paid magic and unpaid magic:

Unpaid magic when requested and not offered by the provider as a free service (which I certainly would do for my closest friends and family but YMMV) is like bitching to your friend instead of seeing a shrink. Or like asking your friend who is an excellent amateur baker to bring a cake to a party instead of going to a patisserie. Or you have a friend who is a volunteer EMT and s/he assesses if your cut will likely need stitches or not. Unpaid magic is like a favor, something that's not too big of a pain in the ass for the witch in question but takes some time and energy to do. Something that the witch knows off hand or has a lot of experience with and can answer without it being A Whole Thing. Generally speaking, I will offer some practical advice and offer a small spell working for you to do yourself when I am giving free advice. If you want The Whole Thing - divination, a consultation and then me constructing a whole magical working for you and performing it for you, that is not for free because that is now taking up my time and money as well as my energy and my magic. I have found (and this might sound mean and catty) that when you just lead the horse to water, there's little follow through. When someone has to put their money where their mouth is and be willing to have me shove your face into a gallon of Poland Spring that's when you really wanted this working with all of your little heart. In most (not all) cases, that's when I'm willing to get involved personally because then it's a Practical Magic scenerio:

Aunt Jet: Sally, you just stay right there. Keep working on your spells. Just keep working on your spells.

Aunt Jet: Get the bird.

Aunt Frances: Get the book.

A woman: I want him so much, I can't think about anything else. I don't sleep. He has to leave his wife. He has to leave her now.

Aunt Jet: Perhaps you might find one better suited.

A woman: I don't want anyone else. He's all I think about. Why the hell else would I come here?

Aunt Frances: Take the money, Jet.

A woman: I want him to want me so much he can't stand it.

Aunt Jet: Be careful what you wish for.

You're going to give your money to someone and if I don't have any personal ethical quandaries with what you want, then I may as well do it and take the money.

If you want The Whole Thing, ladies and gentlemen and you want to show that you're mannerly and not an oaf who expects an acquaintance or party friend (or even less of a connection) who doesn't really know anything more about you than you like the Yankees and you don't drink red wine to outline your legal defense for you over hors' d'oeuvres , or diagnosis your sore throat in the spare room at a dinner party or ask for your book to be reviewed at a con party where everyone's drinking test tube shots or expect someone to do illustrations for your album cover because you ride the A train together every day, you need to expect to pay for it. When you are expecting favors for free when it comes to any kind of service, consultation or artistic work you are implicitly (if not explicitly) saying what you do isn't worth anything of value, really. Also, super important? In most Neo-Pagan cultures? Don't haggle. It's rude and insulting to the provider. Don't get nasty with the provider about their prices, that's ridiculous. Take your business elsewhere

If you would like The Whole Thing whether it's massage therapy, book proofing, magical services, event planning, knitting or whatever and this service has not been offered free of charge to you by the provider, here are some gracious ways to see about receiving the Full Blown Service:

1. Say, "I need a love spell/an hour massage/candle work/curse work/an illustrator for my magazine/legal counsel. What is your going rate for that?"

2. Say, "I need X, but I only have X amount of money. What can you do for me for that?" and that gives your service provider a chance to decide for herself as to what she is willing to do for that.

3. Say, "I need X and I have Y and Z that I can barter for it if that's an arrangement you would find suitable, if not thank you for considering it."

If you would like to partake of my services my list can be found here

Service List

2011-09-28T15:49:00.002-04:00

Please contact me at corvaxgirl@gmail.com for service inquires. For my philosophy on paid services, please see here. I prefer to not do phone work.

Honey Jar Spells (to attract money or "sweeten" someone towards you) to be Worked by me on my altar for one week, email consultation, burning a candle every day on it as well as my observations on it, components (7 candles, honey, herbs, petition paper, small honey jar) and then mailed to you for your use: $50 USD*

Bottle Spells (for blessings, attracting, protection, curse work) to be Worked by me on my altar for one week, email consultation, my observations on it, components (an appropriate bottle and appropriate components such as herbs) and then mailed to you for your use: $75 USD*

Setting Lights Seven Day Candle (for blessings, attracting, protection, curse work): to be Worked by me on my altar for one week, email consultation, my observations on it, to be burned continuously until it's completely burnt out and fixed with the appropriate oils and petition paper, picture of it in progress available upon request. $20 USD*

Mojo Bags: (for blessings, attracting, protection, curse work) to be Worked by me on my altar for one week, email consultation, my observations on it, components (red flannel bag hand sewn by me, herbs, minerals, etc) and then mailed to you for your use. $50 USD

Customized Poppet (for use to communicate with a particular god or for use in any kind of poppet magic) to be Worked on by me for one week and for the body to be made out of muslin cloth or felt. Can be stuffed with specific herbs and have an opening for you to add petition papers or personal concerns. Sewn completely by me. Simple six inch "gingerbread wo/man", includes optional yarn hair and optional anatomical correctness and small heart stuffed with an herb that I have in stock: $25 USD* Doll with clothing, hair, optional anatomical correctness and small heart stuffed with an herb that I have in stock $50 USD*

Four Ounces of Yarn for Your Use (binding spells, for use to create ritual dollies, jackballs, knotwork spells, etc) to be Worked on by me as I spin the yarn, dyed the color(s) of your choice and bathed in an herbal bath with herbs that are appropriate to your request and components (dye, 100% wool fiber, herbs) and shipped to you for your use: $50 USD*

Love Spellwork : Please email me with what you would like to accomplish. This is consultative work so if I accept the work, it would be an hourly rate of $50 USD and component costs. I will send you an estimate if I accept and will require a retainer to get started.

Curse Spellwork: Please email me with what you would like to accomplish. This is consultative work so if I accept the work, it would be an hourly rate of $50 USD and component costs. I will send you an estimate if I accept and will require a retainer to get started.

Prosperity Spellwork Please email me with what you would like to accomplish. This is consultative work so if I accept the work, it would be an hourly rate of $50 USD and component costs. I will send you an estimate if I accept and will require a retainer to get started.

Protection Spellwork: Please email me with what you would like to accomplish. This is consultative work so if I accept the work, it would be an hourly rate of $50 USD and component costs. I will send you an estimate if I accept and will require a retainer to get started.

Twenty Minute Tarot Card Reading: Via Instant Message online only, you ask the question and I interpret the cards. $20 USD

* all prices are approximate depending on the request. Pricing does not include shipping of any items. Exact pricing to be agreed upon before starting Work and to be paid via Paypal.

[Pagan Agony Auntie] When Letting Go Is Especially Hard

2011-09-25T13:54:00.001-04:00

As always, if you have a burning question that you want my input on, feel free to drop me a line at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com and I will keep you anonymous and dazzle you with my insight or not. Whatev. As always, you're the captain of your own ship and feel free to disagree with me as often and loudly as you like!

So, I've been kind of pre-occupied with my own star showers as my PEH would say, so less blogging lately. As you may recall, I recently wrote an article for Witchvox about Letting Go, which is, like many things, a lot easier in theory than practice. Witchvox readers always make my palms sweat because their emails tend to fluster me because it's either saying super complimentary things about how I've helped them in their lives (including a recent one from a really kind older pastor gentleman) or asking for help about Serious Shit. Both are equally terrifying because most of the time I feel like a hot mess who just spouts off whatever I'm thinking about, the idea of positively affecting people I don't even know inadvertently is a good but strange feeling, it's like realizing people are actually watching you dance when you think that no one's paying attention to you. People thinking I can advise them in some really dire situations is also scary because I've certainly made my share of life mistakes, but if I want to be a Professional Pagan, I need to figure it out. So I think for a good amount of time and pray and try to pull together a reasonable answer.

In this case, a reader told me that she was having trouble letting go after an abusive relative passed away and asked what she should do.

Firstly, letting go doesn't mean forgetting, by any stretch of the imagination. You're never going to forget anyway . . .and sometimes it's good to remember. In my particular situation where I've chosen not to forgive, I was journaling nearly every day trying to sort through my feelings during that time. When it's the "anniversary" of that time, I re-read those journal entries to remind myself how horrible that time in my life was but also to really focus on all of the positive changes I've made in my life since then and to remind myself that if I hold onto it too tightly it will eat me up inside until there's nothing left.

Some days, this is easier than others. Unfortunately, there will likely never come a time where you are completely free of this weight you carry, there will likely always be bad days. As to what can make it easier to live with and what can help you from having it eat you up inside, there are a few things - journaling through your feelings, as sometimes revelations come that way, figuring out if you feel any negative emotions towards yourself about it and working to heal those feelings, figuring out what kind of positive changes would make you feel less helpless now if you feel that way - learning a martial art or reminding yourself as much as needed that he can't hurt you anymore and that now as an adult, you're captain of your own ship and you can do whatever you want and lead whatever kind of life you want to lead and no one can stop you and no one can have control over you again like he did when you were a child because you were forced to live in that situation day in and day out. Now, you can chose who is in your life. Living well really and truly is the best revenge, it shows that that person could not keep you from leading a happy and satisfying life, no matter what they did to try to hurt you.

If you don't work with any deities in particular, I feel like working with Diana could be healing for you. Forming a close relationship with a god or goddess can sometimes help guide us through dark times. Prayer can really help I find. Sincerely ask Her for help to guide you through figuring out how to let go of as much of this burden that you carry. Offer Her offerings of light (tealights) and water (I use a little shot glass and fill it with tap water) whenever you can (I do mine anywhere from weekly to monthly depending on the month). Offer Her praise for the things you're grateful about in your life. In terms of a ritual, I think doing a rite to formally cut ties with your relative would be healing.

You can craft your own rite of course, but in case you're not sure, maybe this may work:

You'll need:
A picture of the two of you together
Yarn
Basil
Chamomile
Fennel seed
Mint
Small muslin bag
Salt
Paper and pen
White candles
A bath tub
A small shovel
Scissors

Make an offering to Diana and ask for Her help in your rite. Write down all of the things you want to let go of from what your relative did to you and write down why you need to be separated completely from him. Cut him out of the picture and wrap your paper around it, wrapping the paper away from you. Wrap the yarn around the paper/picture while saying, "I free myself from you/by my will I see this through". Take it outside and bury it some place and then walk away without turning back. Light the candles around the tub and fill it with water and sprinkle the salt into it and then fill the small muslin bag with the herbs. Visualize yourself being free from his influence and free from the burden you carry. Think about all of that negativity being washed off of you with the water, salt and herbs leaving you open to have positive influences come into your life. When you are done bathing and you let the water go down the drain, focus on all of the burden and negativity going down the drain with it. Whenever things get rough for you, make an offering to Diana and repeat the bath.

Give aways?

2011-09-08T19:10:00.001-04:00

Hey charmers! I'm looking for high traffic blogs with a witchy bent who do periodic giveaways as I would like to increase my shop traffic. Know of anyone and/or you are a high traffic blog looking for giveaways?

New WitchVox Article Up!

2011-09-03T14:30:00.000-04:00

Following up on my article Finding Your Pagan Moral Compass: On Forgiveness, I wrote Finding Your Pagan Moral Compass: On Letting Go:

Now, as we just discussed in my previous article, I don't really ascribe to needing to forgive every person in your life. If that person has crossed a boundary that is unforgivable to you and you no longer wish to have a relationship with that person and strive to have as little contact with that person as possible, congratulations! I will be more than happy to write you a note excusing you from having to forgive that person. . .Read the rest here.

[Recipe Monday] Sausage and Lentils

2011-08-29T07:16:00.000-04:00

1 pack of chicken sausages, grilled and chopped
1 pound of dried lentils
1 onion, diced
2 pieces of bacon, diced
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1 teaspoon rosemary, chopped
1/4 cup parsley, chopped
1/4 cup garlic and herb infused oil (wegman's makes basting oil that I used)
1/2 cup red wine
1/2 cup chicken stock
Salt and pepper to taste

Heat the oil in a large pot. Add the bacon and then once that starts crisping, add the onion. Cook for about five minutes. Add everything else except the sausage. Now add water so that the lentils are covered and there's an inch or two of water above the lentils. Cover. Cook covered for about 10 minutes on medium heat. Uncover. Cook for about another 15 minutes, the lentils should be al dente not mush. If there's still liquid in the pot, cover again off heat for about ten minutes to absorb the liquid. Top with sausage. Nom!

[wedding borkery] Honeymoon Contemplation

2011-08-28T19:39:00.001-04:00

While we were thinking to take a cruise, hurricane Irene gave us a lot more downtime than we're used to so I decided to look into some other options. I really like ship life and the structure a cruise has as well as how offline it forces you to be but . . .you can't really get to see v. much of an area, the food isn't the most awesome ever (though it's decent, free and plentiful), it's a little pricey and . . .let's be frank. The rooms aren't the most romantic ever. A balcony and room service are romantic and the easy access to booze and nightlife is fun so there's a lot of pluses to consider but I wanted to make sure that it was the right choice.

I started researching places in the New England (as both Jow and I find it romantic) area covered under my mom's timeshare as she has a good amount of weeks and we'd just have to pay the exchange fee which would be v. nominal and showed Jow what I found. He liked the idea of a cruise but wasn't completely sold on it either, so right now I think we're going to go to the Berkshires as it's become a really interesting arty area with pretty scenery and really great restaurants and we'd stay here. It won a gold crown award (which they don't give to many), got really good user awards and every villa has a sexy fireplace and many have hot tubs along with full kitchens and nice master bedrooms. Neither of us have ever been to the Berkshires (important for me as I've been a lot of places and I want us to both experience it for the first time), it's only three and a half hours away so it's a fun lengthed road trip and I think it's a better fit. We save a lot of money going there so we can go for really nice dinners and really do it up. Plus . . .villa.

New Items at La Sirene et Le Corbeau

2011-08-25T20:57:00.004-04:00

My shop is now filled to the brim with lush smelling hand poured beeswax votives, luxuriously soft handspun yarns, posh apothecary style hand blended oils and beautifying hand felted goat's milk soaps! <3

We're all sold on the copy and the pics? Awesome. I'm tired. Today was supposed to be resting but my new camera came and everyone on my facebook went on and on about how the expensive to me camera I was looking at was barely a camera and the camera above that was the bottom of the barrel and . . . I'm not much of a photographer. I'm usually throwing the party so I'm too busy hiding/hostessing to take pics, I still haven't mastered taking pics of myself and really I just mostly need it for my etsy shop and a little bit socially. So . . .fuck it. I sold some items with my old shitty camera, surely anything would be an improvement. So I read a bunch of reviews (user and CNET) on what I thought was a reasonable amount of money to spend on camera and wound up with a Kodak Easyshare. It's pink and it came with a memory card and is dumbed down to a level that is insulting even to me as I have had to learn how to take okay pictures (really I just want a Melissa and whatever behind the scenes elves do the tedious parts of blogging for Penelope) to compensate for my five year old camera (and it wasn't a top of the line so no it didn't age awesome). The dumbed down aspect is flat out offensive and slightly aggravating but it takes good pictures within five shots, more within the third shot and it keeps registering what I want correctly (flash level, macro/landscape/portrait, etc.) so I can feel superior or I can just get it done. Then I needed to count the yards of yarn, figure out copy and upload everything onto Etsy which is tedious as hell. It took all day but now everything's in the shop which will make adding a thing here and there easy.

Feel free to critique or offer suggestions, I probably don't know where you live or have your personal concerns and besides as established I'm too tired to hex today.

Other Lives. Further Scenes From a Pagan Household

2011-08-24T20:48:00.003-04:00

Dear Muse,
You are a horrible fickle b*tch. You had nothing to say to me for months and now? Now? Last night when I had to be asleep to be up early to nanny you couldn’t shut up for hours about a story I haven’t touched in years.
I hate you. I love you. I’ll thank you tomorrow.

I'm posting more and going somewhat more off track from what this blog is "supposed" to be about, something I myself scold about but. Penelope has been delightfully off the rails lately which has endeared her to me a great deal.

As y'all know, I is a riter. But I get distracted. Gordon is patient. He should consider some kind of high power cat herding career for his next move. But finally even he had enough of my squirrely writer ways and scolded from across the pond to say something like Darling, it doesn't matter which you pick. But write something and stick to it damn it. I'm supposed to be writing a kitchen witch book as you know. I set deadlines and word counts and then just sort of started chasing moths. I started focusing on my crafting and even going to the gym to dodge it.

But. She sneaks up on you. I needed to get up early this morning to herd my tiny charge who has now learned to throw toys but smiles while doing so, so I did what any chick would do - I went to the gym (*dodge*), took an extra xanax (*double dodge*) and a shot of vodka before bed (*suuuuuuuper dodge*). I was curled into bed with Jow and all of a sudden, I heard her. She was insistent. I told her to shut the fuck up as she's been ignoring me for months so I'm ignoring her now and I had work the next day, damn it. She didn't care. She never does. I try to explain work as an orderly concept of punching the clock and getting things done and getting paid for it regardless to inspiration but she rolled her eyes, smelling of tequila, last night's club makeup still smeared all over her. I have a theory. Remember that story you wrote like way more words than you ever have? But it sort of faltered and you didn't touch it for years? You didn't know what to do with her either, your heroine was unlikable in a Bella Swan kind of way before there was a Bella Swan? There were even two boys like in Those Books sort of? I fixed it. You're welcome. Meet Anna. Between my muse and Anna [a new character, the first time it's ever happened like that honestly], I was tossing and turning for hours and generally driving poor Jow crazy until I gave up and stumbled into the office and scribbled down some notes in the dark and tried to get them both to shut up already until I slept fitfully for a few hours.l

I got up and went to work, glad that my tiny charge can't talk yet. My arms were killing me from the gym and the baby. I stumbled home trying to jazz myself up for cooking and house cleaning but Jow had other plans. He enticed me into bed and to take my bra off and put on comfy 'jamas. Once we were lying in bed bullshitting about our days I knew there was no hope of any productivity which was only further proved by Jow seductively whispering that we could clean the house this weekend and order Chinese food. Since that was established and neither of us had slept (if I can't sleep, he can't sleep), I decided to share with him my encounter with my muse and Anna though I got shy feeling like it was a brilliant idea I had when drunk that wasn't so brilliant in the daylight. As we talked more about it and he got more interested, he said I needed to write this. And I realize I do, it's a burning in the blood now fueled by exhaustion. Of course, today I learned about my Florence's new song which led to this conversation:

Me (points to the screen): Why don't I have a work space like this?
Jow (patiently): You have the office.
Me: But . . .it's an office. I want creative romance!
Jow: She's a musician.
Me: She writes things too! It shows it right here! Plus I want candelabras and fancy water bottles. I concede I don't get the white frilly dress to flounce around in.
Jow: We'll invest in . . .candelabras?
Me: I want to go to thrift stores and get teacups and candelabras for next to nothing like MsDirty's and Italics' thrift store runs.
Jow: Okay.

So . . .it's on. Starting tomorrow, this is my project. But for now I need to cede the computer to Jow's Book Removal Wednesday.

End times, folks.

Fantasy Rooms and Initiatory Experience (Sleep No More)

2011-08-23T15:03:00.007-04:00

Okay, first, OMFG, Earthquake! When you live on the east coast of the US that's not even supposed to be *possible* let alone a 5.8. Role playing games have apparently taught me nothing, I botched my initiative roll. Everything was shaking and I vaguely wondered if it was the quarry (What!) and by the time it sort of occured to me to find a doorway, it was over. All I kept thinking was this couldn't *possibly* be an earthquake. Then it stopped so I was like, *ignore*. Until everyone confirmed what it was and that there are probably aftershocks to look forward to and now I'm anxious about it again.

Anyway. After my last blog post some stepped in to defend Jow's right to books (also I think we can blame Jow for the earthquake as he *is* prepping to sell some). As I scolded in the comments, I'm an occultist/witch/sorceress/magicsprinklepony too and I have my weaknesses as well. I'm personally a component junkie which is why I love Hoodoo so much - herbs, candles, incense, circle equipment, I love all that crap. However all of my components reside neatly in two small bins under our altar (okay maybe three) and his books take up four Ikea Billy sized bookcases. When living in a small domicile, it's important that division of space should be equitable. I have a slightly larger clothing closet, he gets more bookshelf room, equitable.

But. If we weren't being fair, one of the rooms in my house would look like the picture. I didn't get to see that room in person when I went to Sleep No More, I had heard about it. Which brings us to initiatory experience, magic and theater. Let's talk some truth talk here, to get any kind of Pagan/Occult experience to have a certain level of theatricality, you're still dealing with your regularly practicing group and you're probably in someone's living room. It can still definitely be a super powerful experience but if you want to have an experience like out of The Craft or that one episode of Bones or basically any kind of awesomely executed movie scene . . .good luck. It's not going to happen. Why? We're not actors. We haven't practiced that scene six times or whatever. Neo-Paganism, like it or lump it, has more in common presently with coming from the sixties radical movements than when theater and religion used to mesh together in Greece.

The closest to that Greek theater/nitiatory experience that I've gotten is seeing Sleep No More. Firstly, you're wearing masks and you're not to speak. Secondly, each room is amazingly detailed as it took over 400 volunteers to put together the rooms. Thirdly, they separate you from whomever you came with so that you can have a solitary experience that is exactly what you want to do at all times.

Mush a silent super sexy dance version of MacBeth with Rebecca and Vertigo and put it in a huge warehouse that you've turned into a hotel out of the 30's/infirmary/insane asylum/graveyards and woods and you've got the play pretty much. Each performance lasts about an hour and then (sort of)loops three times to give you a dream like experience. There are smells everywhere (like the hospital wing *shudder* I'm still getting that out of my nose) and music and lighting and you're allowed to follow whatever characters you like and ransack the rooms at your leisure (they have guides watching you, masked and silent). If it gets to be too much you can hang out at the bar which looks and sounds like a club in an old movie where they have actors and musicians singing and you can text and not wear your mask.

Everyone from Amanda Palmer to Dita Von Teese to Adam Lambert have been, why not? You're masked, no one knows you. And all during the production, rooms are opening and closing (and locking and unlocking) so you're never sure where you've been or what you've seen. And if that wasn't enough, there are rooms that only a few people will get to see because an actor takes you to it (Inside the nurse's hut where you possibly get pricked on your thumb for blood, the three people who get to see Lady MacBeth's chapel a night, Lady MacDuff's private room, becoming one of the dead king's dead sons). It's been estimated that anyone who goes only sees 1/16 of the show in a night.

It's an experience unlike any other magical or theatrical experience I've ever had, it's out in the middle of nowhere Chelsea and has a real hotel plate, you don't give your ticket at the desk, just your name. It felt like being part of a secret occult society that I wasn'/t even allowed on the inner circle of. It was like a dream I can't quite describe to anyone but remember vividly - eating candy stealthily in the candy shop, still nervous about touching things, going into a coronor's office through a funeral parlor for four and finding that the dead girl wasn't dead after all and finding my way to a blood orgy/ritual in an abandoned club with strobe lights and a half man/half goat and naked witches making out with MacBeth and the animal/man and breast feeding a fake baby under Hecate's blood curdling cries, slow dream like dance movements as I watched scenes familiar and unfamiliar, the debutante's ball, getting into a four minute staring contest with a silent bellhop, dialing phones, trying to peek into the nurse's hut in the woods through the cracks on the outside of the hut, the room covered in tiny chalk words in strange patterns, the serial killer boards all over the place, watching things be buried and dug up in the cemetery, the Catholic idolatry everywhere, shaking presents and going through drawers and files, finding the bloodied torn apart padded room I was too afraid to enter, being splashed with Lady MacBeth's bloody bathwater in the room full of clawfoot tubs and everywhere you went, you were surrounded by a tableau like this one (attendees are masked, actors unmasked).

And after a certain point, it's hard to tell where you've been and what you've seen and things that are similar but not exactly the same and who is observing who and the fatigue that starts to give over to the ecstatic experience as it becomes harder and harder to tell what's real and what's dreamed. The *only* way you can ever experience such a ritualistic immersive experience is this way - to pay for your ticket and for there to be a cast of nearly a thousand people who have put this together to be so detailed and choreographed and the cast of thousands of devotees who have started their own strange rituals (like leaving their own hair samples in the room full of the four hundred volunteers' samples) happening under the sanctity of the production, just like it's happened in religion since religion started.

It's an ecstatic, spiritual experience that is not like anything you'll ever be able to experience again (and even people who have gone five or seven times have different dreamlike experiences each time) so as Ferris once said, If you have the means, I highly recommend it. If it gets extended until the end of the year, I'll sell whatever organ I have to so I can go again. It's been two weeks and I'm still dreaming and thinking about it.

Scene From a Pagan Household

2011-08-18T15:09:00.003-04:00

Jow (said slowly so as to not cause sudden movements from Deb): I kind of want the new Picatrix.

Deb (crossly): No. You don't play with the Pictatrix you have now.

(Jow looks sad) (Deb glares anyway because there are nine MILLION magic books in their house threatening to overtake their rabbit burrow/condo at any minute)

Deb (tries to be reasonable): Why do you need the new Picatrix when you don't play with your old Picatrix?

Jow: The new one is going to be way better because - (blahblahblah, something)

Deb: Does it come in eBook format?

Jow (crestfallen): Not yet. But it might I guess . . .But the book is only $65.

Deb (who has grown accustomed to ridiculously priced books desired by Jow knows that this is not bad especially compared to the first one): Fine. If you sell your old Picatrix.

Jow: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Deb: Fine. I don't really care what you sell but books have to go. I mean it. You manage to manifest stacks of free books in the mail like a junkie and it's getting out of control. Space in this house is finite. Get a storage space if you're that attached but some have got to go before you get a new Pictatrix. And not, like, 'I'll sell them some day and they've lived in a rubbermaid for two years!' But gone gone.

Jow: Deal!

The end times are coming. He's actually sorting. If they all actually leave the house then you know to get into your bunkers.

[The Onion] Are Our Teens Turning to Shamanism?

2011-08-17T11:33:00.001-04:00

To wrap up our fun with shamanism month.

Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?

My Shaman Class: If you don't ask the right question/ every answer seems wrong

2011-08-16T11:49:00.005-04:00

As some of you may recall, I stupidly agreed to give a workshop on Totemism 101 for my local Pagan Picnic. I made sure my notes were perfect. Decided on my clothes (changed my mind about what I was wearing as I was unexpectedly engaged and would likely be running into wasband friends/other judgey people there. It's been three years since my divorce, wasband has been engaged since last year, he left me and did't want to work it out, Jow and I have been together longer and waited longer to get engaged than he and fiance #2 did, we bought a condo together, blahblahblah not that any of that stops anyone from judging with great vigor because I am not the Pagan Prom Queen. For my younger peeps: expect if you fuck where you pray for that to bite you in the ass for many fun filled decade(s) to come). So being socially anxious staring down the barrel of giving a class that would be hard for me to give *and* knowing that I would be judged by some of my peers with great enthusiasm as if I'm the Elizabeth Taylor of the local pagan comm (for the record, I was married only once before to wasband. We were together for seven years total) didn't fill *me* with great enthusiasm esp since I was going alone. I baked my bread to share like a good pony and packed my spinning.

To my surprise, it was a light turn out. I did realize to my chagrin I was definitely not a baby pagan anymore (and man do they dress differently - for us it was all gothitygothgothgoth with cloves for them they look like something out of an Urban Outfitters ad - all floral rompers, huge sunglasses, wedges and american spirit cigs). So I settled in comfortably with those of my grove who made it and dealt with my bits of Requisite Pagan Drama. I got excited when I thought no one would show up to my class, but eventually eight people trickled in. Fine. I was ready. I had my scope defined narrowly from a modern Neo-Pagan perspective as Lupa advises and was ready for some jerk to start shit with me and call me a plastic shaman.

Well. I was prepared for completely the wrong thing. Some of the people in my class were youngish so I wasn't sure what they knew.

Me: Does anyone not know anything about Shamanism?
::all hands raised::

Me: Okay! Um, no problem. Has anyone not meditated before?
::all hands raised::
Me (feels cold fear like I never have before)(thinks: Oh shit. Whatever I say is actually likely to influence these people)

I managed to conduct the class just fine, everyone came back from the meditation in one piece. I talked about grounding a lot and how acting normal after is subjective based on whatever is normal for them. They asked some good questions (Is it like normal for your totem to be mad at you when you meet them for the first time? Me (dryly and immediately): Yes.), everyone met their totems and seemed thoughtful about the experience. But there were definitely some rough patches . . .like when I was explaining how Shamans can be called through a near death experience and/or dreams of being ripped apart by animals (the poor young guy in my class looked terrified. I was like look, not everyone is a shaman by far. But you can still work with your totem in Neo-Pagan context and in fact that's what you should to to start with) and I actually lost a couple people in explaining that while we are all going internally and not externally and I would do my best to make sure everyone was okay and help after if needed but I couldn't *promise* to be able to "save" you . . .that was not well received. But seriously? I don't know you people at all, I have no idea what your inner landscape looks like or what's horribly broken in you or what will work for you to help. I just learned your names, dude!

While it went well ultimately, I have to tell you, I'll take someone trying to undermine me and get into an argument wit me any day over complete newbs. That was terrifying. *sigh* Something to look forward to for my Rutgers Pagan class on Hoodoo 101.

I also got to go to a public rit done by another ADF grove. It's amazing how we all have the same basic ritual format but how going to my grove is like going to a tent revival in the back woods - half carnival show, half sincere worship and it's what I've done all my ADF career (ten years now) but for one other public rit by another grove so it's what I'm used to. Going to their rit was like going to a Catholic Church after only having been to tent revivals. I was like, you say some of the same words and do some of the same things and you sure are dressed up fancy and give fancy offerings but this sort of makes my skin crawl, y'all. No offense! I think you'd say the same about us!

[Retro Recipe Monday] Recipes for Invalids

2011-08-15T05:04:00.000-04:00

So this is one of my oldest cookbooks and probably published in the beginning of the cookbook era in 1911. The Butterick Cookbook contains no pictures and is not set up in a way that is familiar to modern cookbook readers, it reads more like a crypt note that you should know how to decipher from at that time. Ovens were more like fire places from the sound of it verses a modern oven. There is however a charming and practical chapter on cooking for invalids as per the book. Here are a few tasty treats for the infirm:

Sherry and egg - Beat the yolk of an egg and one teaspoon of sugar together and add this to two teaspoons of sherry, brandy or port, stirring well. Beat the white of an egg to a very stiff froth, stir it in, beating well, and serve at once. This will quite fill the glass. If wine is not desired, nutmeg may be used for flavoring.

Arrowroot Blanc Mange - Put half a pint of milk into a double boiler, scald and stir into it three heaping teaspoons of arrowroot which have been dissolved in one-half cup of cold water. Stir until thick and smooth; remove from the fire, flavor with a half teaspoon of vanilla and pour into a mold to cool. Serve with sugar and cream.

Beef Juice - When much nourishment must be given in small compass, the best nurses now prepare beef juice. This is made of the round of beef cut at least an inch thick. Take a piece of the meat about four inches square, place it in a wire broiler and broil it over a bright fire until both sides have been browned and the meat has been well warmed through to start the juices. If the fire is bright, two minutes of broiling will generally be sufficient. Lay the beef on a plate, sprinkle it with salt, cut it into pieces, place in a small piece of cheesecloth or a presser and squeeze out all the juice. About three tablespoons of juice will usually result from a piece of meat the size mentioned.

Sufficient juice for two servings is generally prepared at one time and the second portion will, of course, require warming. This must be done very carefully, as too high a degree of heat will cause the juice to coagulate. Place the juice in a cup, set the cup in boiling water, stir the juice constantly until it is a little above blood heat and then serve.

[Pagan Agony Auntie] Moar Honey Pots

2011-08-10T04:20:00.001-04:00

[Wedding Borkery] All the Plans for the Interested

2011-08-09T13:23:00.003-04:00

For the disinterested, just keep moving along. We're planning dorks so most of this came together really easily. Jow is honestly super involved in the whole process which has been bad ass. It's funny that we're pretty much done at this point, it will just be small things like getting documents to be married, finalizing my lingerie picks, etc. We need to get our wills drawn up (not such a small thing ;p) and we already have our financial agreements drawn up.

Ring: One carat amethyst (he surprised me with that, amethyst is my favorite stone and v. magically meaningful to me) with six quarter carat emerald cut diamonds set in platinum.

Venue: In my condo's development, we have a clubhouse where the office is and where residents can have parties. It's super cute inside, v. faux (small) English country house with a fireplace. My mom threw me my surprise 21st birthday party there, so good memories and just cozy enough for a cocktail style reception. The reception will be small, about 50 people total. We will likely get fresh local flowers to decorate in a few bunches, maybe some candles for the fire place. I'll prolly do a few little Miss Martha crafts to decorate too.

Activities: There won't be too much space to dance, so we'll be making our own iPod mix. We're hoping to be able to pull together a little photo booth because those look so fun and it's an easy way to keep the day. If it's not raining outside, we'll set up croquet outside using antique croquet mallets that I still have from SalonCon and will finally get to use. But I also find if people want to dance, they'll find a place for it ;p

Photog: We have a lot of friends/fam who are great with cameras to help capture the day and we're lucky to live near an awesome photog (Scott Church) who will give you the disc and is super reasonable so we'll likely get "engagement" style pics with him.

Ceremony: Justice of the Peace, baby. Mom's looking into if the church will do a little blessing for us in the chapel for her as I would rather claw my own eyes out than get an annulment. If they do blessings, awesome. If not, oh well. Jow and I will get handfasted by our senior druid and her husband in their back yard under the grape arbor. It will be just the four of us present which feels v. romantic, just us and our officiants.

Hair/Makeup: Either F. if she's able to or my usual stylist.

Registry: A small registry at Crate and Barrel (which is our fave store to wander through together) and "Fun Ship" dollars with Carnival.

Hen and Stag (Bachelor/ette) Party: I told Jow he can do whatever he wants but he's not v. interested in the "traditional" drinking/carousing/strippers/what have you so we've settled on a low(ish) key party where we can invite way more of our friends. We're going to do a "Tarts and Vicars" themed party with beer, pizza and wings and one of those tupperware-like sex toy parties in our apartment. We're thinking June for that.

Honeymoon: We're going to take a cruise to New England/Canada because we've always fantasized about that.

Menu: Caterers have been a total pain in the ass to deal with (as I think our budget is v. small fish to them), but as luck would have it, Jow and I were eating lunch at our favorite restaurant yesterday that focuses on being fresh, local and organic and he noticed they had a catering menu. Turns out, they do everything we want! Which is super awesome because we can stay in budget (even under a little bit) and support a local business we love.

Tentatively, we're looking at:
Antipasto Platter
Aged salami, olives, marinated artichokes, parmigiano reggiano and fresh mozzerella

Crudite Platter
Seasonal green market vegetables with house ranch and balsamic vinaigrette

Petite Sandwiches
BLT, Turkey Club, Ham and Cheese and Mozzarella with Tomato

Gazpacho Soup "shots"

Hor d'eorves:
Bacon wrapped dates stuffed with almonds
Charred steak with a chimichurri sauce on the side
Fig & prosciutto with balsamic glaze
Potato pancakes with sour cream and homemade apple sauce
Chicken skewers with ginger lime

Penne With Market Vegetables Tray
Pasta and grilled seasonal vegetables with basil pesto

Chicken Milanese Tray
Chicken cutlet seasoned with italian herbs, breaded and fried crisp

Vienese Dessert table (I know a lot of bakers so that helps like whoa) - we definitely want french macaroons and cupcakes (we're thinking chai, pumpkin and chocolate-peanut butter-banana)
International Coffee (flavored syrups, whipped cream, cinnamon, after dinner drinks)

Wines, beers and French Greyhounds

Invitations: http://www.zazzle.com/save_the_date_vitality_postcard-239447209206491881

Wedding dresses I'm considering:
http://queenofheartz.com/40-lolaivo40.html

http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/dixiefried-paris-dress-pink.html

http://www.stopstaringclothing.com/sunshop/index.php?l=product_detail&p=209

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_BR1000-BR1000_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Silhouette-Short

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-Tea-Length-Gown-with-Box-Pleats-WG3038_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Silhouette-Short

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Strapless-Tafffeta-Sheath-Dress-N9781_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Silhouette-Short

--

Wedding shoes I'm considering:
http://www.pleaserusa.com/ProductDetail.asp?PROD_CD=RET03%2FBP%2FSAT&STYLE_CD=RETRO-03

http://www.pleaserusa.com/ProductDetail.asp?PROD_CD=VIO12G%2FBP&STYLE_CD=VIOLETTE-12G

http://www.snaz75.com/pl-dainty-420.html

http://www.zappos.com/gabriella-rocha-ginger-light-pink-patent-leather

http://www.dyeables.com/?pg=eve_prom&sub=pump&id=40732&sstr=&nr=0&nom=&width=

http://www.dyeables.com/?pg=bridal&sub=pump&id=40836&sstr=&nr=0&nom=&width=

Wedding Borkery

2011-08-09T12:07:00.002-04:00

Are people interested in hearing the wedding planning details even though it's mostly non magical? This is not a full scale production as it's the second time around but if there's interest at all, I will dork out and make sure to label each entry "wedding borkery" so you can skip it if you're not interested.

Recipe Monday: My Chocolate Quickbread

2011-08-08T16:04:00.002-04:00

Amazon had requested the recipe for my bread machine quickbread I made for Lammas and I live to serve. ;) I'm sure you could bake it in an oven too . . .maybe at 350 for 30-45 minutes? You would have to do some experimenting to figure out how long to do it in the oven.

Chocolate Quickbread

6 tablespoons 2% milk
1/3 cup low fat sour cream
1 room temperature egg
3 teaspoons honey
8 tablespoons sugar
1 cup white whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Put the ingredients in the order listed into your bread machine. Select small loaf, light crust and use the quick bread setting. In a little more than an hour you'll have nom!bread

Lammas

2011-08-01T22:14:00.003-04:00

Firstly, thank you all for for your well wishes, charmers! I'm not going to lie, part of me was like I got engaged, that's enough of a harvest!

It started out as an incredibly crappy fibro day for various reasons so my actual plans for the day were dashed. I managed a brief trip to a local farmer's market with Jow, to the liquor store next store and the butcher. There's something about butcher paper that feels magical, ditto for bakery paper. I'm going to incorporate it into my magical practice I think. We're suburbanites, there's nothing for us to personally harvest, but for $30 we got a beautiful harvest of fruit, vegetables and cheese. We also got a beautifully marbled piece of steak that we cooked with mushrooms and onions in red wine and freshly baked (not by me) pretzel rolls. We also got King Goblin and Harvest ales. I made a sour cream chocolate chip quick bread.

We made a pretty offering plate to our gods with incense and a candle I made and gave thanks and asked for our coming harvest to be plentiful and outlined what we harvested this year and contemplated harvest for next year.

Happy Lammas :)

What a wonderful dream /It seems to be/ 'Cause I love him.

2011-07-30T15:37:00.003-04:00

Jow proposed to me and I said yes! He wanted to propose to me last night at a concert by our favorite band but it wound up being a comedy of errors and we couldn't get there (it was monsooning, a water main break, almost getting rear ended, endless traffic, etc., etc.). We went to dinner and then he said he had a surprise planned for me at home. Me, being me, I said, did you teach the cats how to clean up their own poop? (No.)

He got down on one knee and proposed! I was so surprised I think I took like a minute to say yes :D: We then went to my Mom's to show her and by then it was starting to sink in so I started getting *super* excited and my throat felt like I was running. Mom already knew because Jow asked her for my hand!

We went to the grocery store to get champagne to celebrate and I wanted to run up and down the aisles flashing the ring ( . . .but I didn't as it was late and I didn't want people to call security because they thought I was on drugs. I did however make friends with the cashier. When she was like, how are you? I was like, ENGAGED!)

So when we got home, we played our favorite songs by the band we missed in my car and danced under the stars! It was perfect!

We're thinking September 2012, we know we want to go to Canada/New England on a cruise. We're sorting out the rest (though definitely something intimate).

Right. Magic. Omens. Well, on our first date we saw deer in the parking lot and on our way hone from the grocery store last night two deer stopped right by our car, gave us a nod and then calmly trotted across the street to eat a neighbor's backyard. Today in Trader Joe's, one of my dad's favorite songs (somewhat obscure) came on randomly while we were there together.

Oh Lordess, Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood: White Girl Suburban Shamanism

2011-07-27T06:00:00.002-04:00

Dear gods, why did I agree to give a class on Animal Totems for my local Pagan Picnic?

It started out innocently enough, I wanted to start publicly speaking again, I'm entertaining enough and I know enough to be glib and also enough to say "I don't know" as many times as applicable. If I ever stop fucking around and learn to juggle the chainsaw mess of nannying/freelance writing/crafting/dropping it like it's hot/social obs/religious obs/crafting/blogging and oh yeah going to the gym and writing (. . .sigh) and get published and whatnot, book touring is super necessary and having pagan workshop experience is helpful.

Well. My local pagan picnic is having a 'arry Potter theme for the obv reason so all the classes have to be themed after the Hogwarts classes. I tried in vain to get an easier one but one of the few open was Transfiguration, which I pitched as:

Transfiguration 101: Learn about what a totem spirit can bring to your life and participate in a meditation to find your own totem, hear what s/he has to say and experiment with meditational transfiguration yourself!

Of course they accepted that one. Of course.

This is what my process has looked like:

1. Ignore. That was easy until I started getting gentle notes about my bio/abstract.

2. Panic. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd, WHAT WAS I THINKING! Why do you want to open up this old wound that's covered in exhusband cooties and remember what you figured out? That you don't know anything about anything? Remember how you decided to stop calling yourself a shaman post-divorce and you've been (as the LBGT comm kindly says) "questioning" since then? Remember how you've been working suuuuuper hard not to be a misappropriating asshole? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PICK THE SOFTEST SQUISHEST MOST DIFFICULT ASPECT OF YOUR SPIRITUALITY ON DISPLAY THEN?

3. Realize there is no way out. You've agreed and need to keep your grown up commitments like a grown up.

4. Research. Look to people you trust who have written books and come from a similar background (in my case, sub/urban American and Euro mutts). Start with Lupa because you met her once at a festival and she was nice to you.

5. Spend some time retreating back to panic.

6. Ponder. Figure out where you still fit in the whole shamanic world. Resolve not to put myself out there as anyone other than me while still somehow not discrediting myself as being a trustworthy source by going too far the other way.

7. Outline. Write it all out. Send in abstract/bio. Look at outline. Feel momentarily pleased as I realize I've made it make sense in my current personal cosmos while managing to not turn it into an eclectic mess. Pleasure quickly gives way to:

8. Panic, obvs.

9. Distract self from panic by focusing on other things I can control. Reorder Uncle Ted's Animal Speak as it got lent out at some point. It's a Harry Potter theme! Luckily I'm already a HP dork so I have some stuff I wear for Arisia that can be used and summer-rized (knee length grey pleated skirt, drape-y black t shirt, time turner, green tie, legwarmers if it's not ungodly hot). Try on ensemble. Make note to self to order a Slytherin patch. Do so.

10. Blog about it.

I feel like this is going to shake up my internal antfarm even if no one comes to my class (which is always possible). I remembered that my dianic circle has always said I'm super good at *leading* meditation which is a good workshop transferable skill if not awesome for personal enlightenment.

I'm beginning to seriously co-sign on Penelope Trunk's theory on being happy or being interesting.

[Recipe Monday] Chicken Pot Pie

2011-07-25T07:13:00.005-04:00

I just made up this recipe which I think was omnomnom.

Chicken Pot Pies

4 skinless chicken thighs, cooked and shredded (I did mine on my Foreman grill)
1 onion, diced
3 cloves of garlic, chopped
3 stalks of celery, diced
1 carton of mushrooms, sliced
6 sprigs of thyme
1 cup frozen peas
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/2 chicken stock
2 packages refrigerated pie crust
3 tablespoons flour
salt and pepper to taste
3 tablespoons of olive oil

Heat the olive olive in a big sauce pan and preheat the oven to 425. Put in the onions to brown with the celery and mushrooms and cook for about ten minutes. Add the white wine, garlic, thyme, peas and chicken. Cook for five minutes. Add the chicken stock and flour and salt and pepper. Cook for five minutes. Turn off heat. Cut each pie crust in half. Add a scoop of filling to each half and then fold over the pie crust and pinch shut. Put in the oven for 15 minutes. Makes 8 mini pies!

[Retro Recipe Monday] Rainbow Witches

2011-07-18T06:00:00.002-04:00

Inexplicably, in the Easter section of recipes in the General Foods Cookbook I find:

Rainbow Witches

1/2 cup cold milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 envelope Dream Whip Whipped Topping Mix
24 large chocolate wafers
Food Coloring

Combine milk, vanilla and dessert topping mix in a small bowl with a narrow bottom. Blend; then beat vigorously until topping forms soft peaks.

Divide topping into 4 equal parts 1/2 cup each). Tint 3 of the portions with a few drops of food coloring - red, green and yellow.

Generously frost half of the wafers with the toppings and then cover with the remaining wafers to form individual sandwiches. Place in freezer and freeze three hours or until ready to serve. Makes 12.